Sunday, 25 March 2012

Isolation terminated

Isolation has been terminated, yes you read it right no more Isolation! it has nothing to do with not being up to the challenge but more to do with how pointless it is, yesterday's therapy session proved to me just how pointless it all is, perhaps I am mistaken but therapists are supposed to listen right? mine figured it would be appropriate to point out that apparently it is not manly when i refuse to arm wrestle her and that I have the presence of a worn out helpless old lady....... of course she aggravated me enough for me to say no offence but i really do not care about your opinion or your observation what i feel is more important because what i feel is what i go home with and well live with really.

Honestly just because you have a degree and experience ( which i am questioning) does not mean you get to be unprofessional and it does not mean you get to invalidate my opinions thoughts and feelings because you think they are useless to you, well guess what I have full intentions of making your job much harder for the next 3 months unless i can miraculously get out of seeing  you all together that is because you have absolutely no idea what you are doing.

I am a gentleman I do not objectify women or use them as sex objects that does not mean that side of me is inactive it does not mean i am sexually immature it means I have my priorities right, I choose to be calm and not express my anger not because I can't but because it is not worth it hurting someone over a moments anger because you don't know the consequences of whatever you do in anger because it is pointless and mainly because I am so tired of being sooooo angry all the time that i like not being angry, now don't get me wrong if someone I care for is being hurt or in any kind of danger or even upset to be honest my anger gets all hulky and there is no reasoning I have that protective instinct going, I do keep people at arms length till I know them well enough then the walls come down I am picky and trust does not always come easy but with my up bringing that is more than understandable it is safer that way, yes my defense mechanisms may be considered advanced but all in all this does not mean that I have a personality disorder it does not mean I am broken or damaged , I actually did learn from my past experiences and from the people around me,  still trying to learn and evolve as a human this is not just words I actually practice what I preach all the bloody time it is annoying at times not saying I'm perfect or even close to it I know that I am emotionally retarded but not in the bad way yes I usually choose wrong women for me ( not this time though !) but I give it my all i mean what i say that isn't a bad thing naive juvenile perhaps but out of hope not out of lack of maturity or knowledge, and by God changing my name legally is nothing more than that a change of name I am the same person the same personality the same everything!

And so after a lengthy conversation with my beloved friend Darls I have decided that my therapist can fuck off I will attend to kill time and to ensure it does not cause me any further damage or hurt and because well i did give my word for the study part of therapy the things we do in the name of science (not a happy bunny with science atm!)

funny enough I have found that apart from certain people that I really want to talk too there is no particular craving for human contact, I do wish to get back in to the habit of working out since I have dropper another shirt and pant size ( go me!)

The only bad thing about this is now I need to find actual titles for what I write on a daily basis , maybe just start the countdown till mid june?  have 35 sessions left I think at a rate of 3 sessions a week so another 11 weeks im  going to count down till june because that is when i will be too happy to notice the date :D

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