Lil Rant

What the fuck is wrong with people! So a guy was interested in Sophie who is for sale at well a very cheap price for a pure bred Labrador here because I want her to go to a good home rather than financial gain and he wants to pay 200l.e for her instead of the $250 which is the advertised price here they usually sell for $500 and more now the currency conversion puts the price he wants to pay at $33 , who the hell in their right mind  tries to haggle the price of a pure bred dog regardless of breed that much? of course i could not keep my mouth shut  because i had seen him try to bring the price down to 200-300l.e on every dog advertised on the website in addition to questioning the breed of each which lead me to tell him that if you can not afford the price of a dog especially since it is discounted how exactly are you going to afford to take care of one? also if that is the most you are willing to pay and you do not want to adopt that means you are either buying it to sell it to someone else at a ridiculous price immediately or you are going to be bored of it within a month because dogs especially puppies need A LOT! of taking care of ... which made him resort to being rude , if you cannot be civil with a human being I can not even imagine how you would treat a little puppy..

So another woman was interested in her today and actually came to see her but insisted on meeting at a mutual point and not come see Sophie in her natural habitat as I refer to it which was stupid in my opinion to get a proper feel of a dog or cat see it where it lives how it interacts in the environment it lives in and how it is with its siblings if available not when it is in a new environment and scared, after inspecting the lil pup in her car she kept hinting that she was not a pure bred despite me explaining that the shape of the ears and the webbed paw are clear indications that she is a labrador , and that she was sooooo small , of course she is friggin small she is the runt!( no not all runts are small i know that ) but as long as it is healthy it doesn't matter thing is I informed her all this before she came and she still wanted to think about it,  so it ended up as this woman interrupted my lunch probably scared Sophie because she was not used to that little trip and got me made fun of and laughed at because apparently a guy walking down the street cradling a little pup is so so hilarious ( not that I cared ).

Which brings me back to What in god's name is wrong with these people, I'd sooner get the shelter to find them someone to adopt them than sell either of them to people like this.

Rant Over

Challenge Accepted

Tomorrow is Sunday which means the challenge begins and of course my brain is all " Seriously?! you couldn't think of a better thing to do with your time other than show how bad your grammar is and how you are bad at following rules which in this case is writing brief wee blogs, and put me on the spot! you know know my creativity jumps out of your ears when  you pressure me like that!"  so there is a slight possibility that after reading so many Amazing!( to say the least ) blogs in the last few days and comparing how whiny my documentation of my current experience is .... that there is the possibility of feeling a wee bit inadequate but no bother! the point is to meet new people and of course the main reason is as follows...


a couple of weeks ago I finished reading Danny Wallace's book " Yes man" which I initially thought was the same as the movie but would be a bit more awesome, turns out it was the same concept but the story was entirely different and of course there was some pride at the fact that it was British, anyway in my attempts to find some less negative aspects in my situation it was decided that there is no reason why I could not be a Yes Man too..... and so " YES" will  be the correct answer for any opportunity that comes my way within reason of course ( I am not going to swim home if asked to for example or walk to Russia or dye my  hair pink wearing pink boxers is still being debated however although i am against it still) .

Now the only problem was my father arrived shortly after that decision was made and he has injured his knee so I have been pretty much a care taker for a dad and a couple of crazy puppies, along side the previous isolation it limited the opportunity for opportunities so apart from my therapist saying i should try something new like trying to be the opposite of who i am which i do not know if it is considered an opportunity or not I said yes to it none the less just in case ( never know how the rules of karma are working nowadays ) and of course tried but failed so it has to count! apart from that this A-Z challenge is the first thing that resembled an opportunity that has come my way ( ok that is not entirely true i can't say resembled when the precise line was "This is a great opportunity to discipline yourself, grow as a blogger, and make new friends – come join us! ") and of course being a Yes Man aside, the word challenge automatically communicates with the stubborn part of my brain ( which constitutes roughly 68% of it ) resulting in Challenge Accepted....

of course the lovely Lou Lou accepted the challenge today too which is going to make the experience much more fun! I think I read somewhere in the rules that were only skimmed through (SORRY! short attention span her ) that a theme should be chosen so to save myself thinking the theme is whatever pops in my head which is pretty much saying my theme is randomness right?


The point is to have fun have a laugh if not meet new people  I know it will at least make a couple of people that read my gibberish chuckle :D

Good day and good luck!

p.s: I am feeling a wee bit cheeky thus more people need to be challenged.

It is a common fact that I am not enjoying what I perceive as serving time in hell here in Egypt as the fun of the country depends on the situation and mine sucks the fun right out of it,however sometimes you meet people that can be quite sweet yesterday I was standing in the middle of the road hands full of shopping looking for a taxi on a Thursday night which is equivalent to a Friday night elsewhere since Friday is the weekend here and each taxi that stopped refused to take me because in their opinion my house was too near which in a way it is its only a couple of miles and 8l.e away and of course I stubbornly refuse to take the taxi's lined up in front of the mall because they charge more than double the price and that is wrong......

So anyway standing there waiting till finally one guy hesitates then decides sure i should jump in, turns out i reminded him of his son and that is why he decided to take me because he was looking for a long journey initially, he then started interrogating me about where i'm from apparently the accent is too obvious but i talk nice Egyptian anyhow the guy was really nice and not obnoxious like the usual drivers kept advising me not to get married and wait for the right lass then insisted that i do not pay which I insisted against, it was a nice surprise to have a pleasant conversation with a nice enough person as oppose to arguing for a change .

on another note I have been bad and neglecting the stray dogs since i fostered the puppies, see they used to always sleep in front of the building and play all sorts of melodies throughout the night keeping me up, so we had formed that bond where they keep me up and i anonymously leave them food which I wanted to get back to doing but noticed that they seem to have disappeared from the area which is worrisome so I might go looking for them soon just to make sure they are ok , stray dogs here are beautiful they don't all look like mutts they seem sweet and are very smart if it were up to me i would have adopted all of them!

I have also decided to brush up on my penmanship skills and start writing letters although I have no means of sending them through snail mail taking a picture and emailing it is temporarily just as good.

Yesterday was not particularly a nice day my therapist telling me she likes me and she will miss me during the weekend between arguing did not help and struck me not particularly professional but she at least acknowledged that my stubbornness is impossible to change. Remembering that fact and running into a couple of awesome blogs yesterday which were 100 days of bliss, 366 random acts of kindness oh and an A-Z challenge kinda blog which was awesome, and was reminded that things could be far worse in addition to the fact that I just survived war a dirty dirty badly planned barely any strategy planned war!

so in conclusion to that paragraph... what the fuck was I thinking giving up, I have never allowed anyone to bring me down like that there is no reason to start now also my writing has been too depressing and whiny thus one needs to change!

here is to change! in writing style and adding more positive thinking to my day also possibly try to find more inspiring things, maybe try to extent my patience a wee bit more too ?

I am finding the more i am accused of being emotionless or feeling-less, the more i realize that i should continue telling the people that i care about exactly how i feel and so trying to do that more often and due to that I am rather inclined to say Thank you to Marie for being a magnificent friend and threatening to kick my arse should i ever change.

This A-Z challenge seems well challenging but fun! basically you are to write every day other than Sundays throughout the month of April which brings it to 26 days which is yes you guessed it! the number of letters in the alphabet, there are more rules I think but i erm forgot to read them all?

so that is what I am trying as of well Monday i suppose ! hmmm also tempted to challenge a couple of friends to do this, what say you?

"There is a reason i would be happy alone not because i thought i would be happy alone it was because i thought if i loved someone and then it fell apart i might not make it,  it is easier to be a lone because what if you learn that you need love and then you dont have it, what if you like it and lean on it , what if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart can you even survive that kind of pain, losing love is like organ damage it is like dying the only difference is death ends, this it could go on forever"

This is from Grey's anatomy and it could not be more true, it not only hits the nerve it corners it and says Tag! you're it.

Failure

Yesterday went pretty fast it was just me my dad and the dogs pretty relaxed laid back day the sad thing about it was that there was nothing good on tv other than Hitch, which is not a bad movie apart from the fact that it reminds me of my failure, I can give almost anyone absolutely sound successful dating advice but when it comes to the woman I care for everything I know about women not only jumps out of the window it bloody takes a jet that travels at the speed of light! which of course is not useful I have feelings for a woman and I am failing at winning her trust or even having a conversation for more than a minute actually too as of late.

no normally this is all fine I am patient especially knowing she is worth it  but now it is bothering me because maybe i did or said something wrong without knowing?

Things today are not going as smoothly, think it started yesterday late evening when I felt something was off something wasn't right or maybe it was something was bothered and I did not determine who it is, the feeling wore of slightly but came back today I ignored it played cards with my dad played with the pups put ads for them to be sold and got called by an idiot asking me about them then telling me has 2 puppies he wants to sell , well why in God's name are you calling me then! idiot.

anyway I decided might as well have a heart to heart with my dad as it is pointless paying this much in therapy when it isn't working and try to figure out an alternative arrangement since I do not feel broke and I am certain his motives for chucking me to a therapist are social and to keep appearances I mean it is sooooo shameful to have your brilliant son go live elsewhere and say to hell with the family and that country? because it is so wrong to just want a normal life and not go in to politics or big business's , of course last month the agreement was if i keep trying and it doesn't work i get to go home and we will work something out, today the conversation went more like we either find middle ground or i will not be in your life anymore, perhaps it was a mistake telling him that I am fully willing the high price that comes with leaving which could go as far as being homeless and not finishing my degree but not willing to lose him, because it feels like that is being used against me.


ok maybe its not as much failure as it is heart break and disappointment in so called " family" and how quickly one's mind is changed when something does not suit their needs.
So today I feel broken I feel like giving up and relocating to a residence under a rock at the bottom of the ocean possibly under the titanic, because nothing I do is good enough I can't get the dad I can't get the girl and I can't get anything done .

Thus I shall embrace my failure, can't even bloody drink because I can't get drunk! suppose it serves me right for being honest and caring.

Sappyness

"Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great."
-Comte DeBussy-Rabutin


"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it's what you are expected to give -- which is everything."


"The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection, and not a fountain; to show them we love them not when we feel like it, but when they do."
-Nan Fairbrother 

Nameless post

Today was not too bad I woke up to a telephone call from a friend that I had terribly missed sadly she just found out her father has cancer in the last stages and there is nothing that can be done, lil Sophie jumped from being 5 ft in the air out of sheer excitement or well perhaps she needed to go badly? and then she was lurking around and almost fell of the 6th floor so perhaps she thinks that by being a prissy princess she automatically gains flying rights? or maybe she was just simply trying to claim the airspace around the apartment, naturally within nano seconds of me seeing where she was standing I yelled and she immediately jumped down ( back to the balcony not attempted to fly!) and I had to secure the area furthermore let us hope she does not try again because she really scared me.

The day went by smoothly me and my father started discussing a few things then the therapist explained a few things to him, it was an interesting session she practically offered to abort because I stated clearly if i do not understand i will not process i thus can not work on whatever it is so work with that or well don't and she stated that we can not work with that so not sure what is going to happen because i refuse to stop thinking or intellectualizing things it is just the way I am haven't changed this far will not change because to me it is nice, she insists my mind and body are not connected because my brain is over active   naturally I disagreed and was called a smart arse at least 12 times today which of course tempted me to say say good morning sunshine did you just pick up on that fact almost 4 months later? safe to say she does not like my smart arse side in fact she stated she was glad the session was over yet somehow I left the room with her laughing..... some women are just weird!

My father seems like he wants to discuss a few things with me in regards to protection of real estate in Libya and sorting a few things out, think he wants my help because I will not prance around with my gun and settle things out in a civil manner before even considering making threats of violence considering the screwed up state of affairs there ( don't fret I am not at all a violent man unless someone I love is in danger or being threatened that kinda thing) of course if i am to do that for a few months it will be in exchange of him getting off my back and supporting my decision of moving to the states well mainly the leaving me alone part and not continuously mentioning that its a 12 hour flight and that it is too far away stuff like that.



Have you ever noticed just how much space little puppies hog? it is like they stretch to their maximum length and take all that space in the bed and preferably on you so you feel guilty if you want to turn because you will disrupt their sleep,


anyhow my chest is now wheezing too much and I am tired of this rude cough interrupting my musings ! so I am going to go try to figure out how i can sleep whilst they are hogging the bloody bed.

Isolation terminated

Isolation has been terminated, yes you read it right no more Isolation! it has nothing to do with not being up to the challenge but more to do with how pointless it is, yesterday's therapy session proved to me just how pointless it all is, perhaps I am mistaken but therapists are supposed to listen right? mine figured it would be appropriate to point out that apparently it is not manly when i refuse to arm wrestle her and that I have the presence of a worn out helpless old lady....... of course she aggravated me enough for me to say no offence but i really do not care about your opinion or your observation what i feel is more important because what i feel is what i go home with and well live with really.

Honestly just because you have a degree and experience ( which i am questioning) does not mean you get to be unprofessional and it does not mean you get to invalidate my opinions thoughts and feelings because you think they are useless to you, well guess what I have full intentions of making your job much harder for the next 3 months unless i can miraculously get out of seeing  you all together that is because you have absolutely no idea what you are doing.

I am a gentleman I do not objectify women or use them as sex objects that does not mean that side of me is inactive it does not mean i am sexually immature it means I have my priorities right, I choose to be calm and not express my anger not because I can't but because it is not worth it hurting someone over a moments anger because you don't know the consequences of whatever you do in anger because it is pointless and mainly because I am so tired of being sooooo angry all the time that i like not being angry, now don't get me wrong if someone I care for is being hurt or in any kind of danger or even upset to be honest my anger gets all hulky and there is no reasoning I have that protective instinct going, I do keep people at arms length till I know them well enough then the walls come down I am picky and trust does not always come easy but with my up bringing that is more than understandable it is safer that way, yes my defense mechanisms may be considered advanced but all in all this does not mean that I have a personality disorder it does not mean I am broken or damaged , I actually did learn from my past experiences and from the people around me,  still trying to learn and evolve as a human this is not just words I actually practice what I preach all the bloody time it is annoying at times not saying I'm perfect or even close to it I know that I am emotionally retarded but not in the bad way yes I usually choose wrong women for me ( not this time though !) but I give it my all i mean what i say that isn't a bad thing naive juvenile perhaps but out of hope not out of lack of maturity or knowledge, and by God changing my name legally is nothing more than that a change of name I am the same person the same personality the same everything!

And so after a lengthy conversation with my beloved friend Darls I have decided that my therapist can fuck off I will attend to kill time and to ensure it does not cause me any further damage or hurt and because well i did give my word for the study part of therapy the things we do in the name of science (not a happy bunny with science atm!)

funny enough I have found that apart from certain people that I really want to talk too there is no particular craving for human contact, I do wish to get back in to the habit of working out since I have dropper another shirt and pant size ( go me!)


The only bad thing about this is now I need to find actual titles for what I write on a daily basis , maybe just start the countdown till mid june?  have 35 sessions left I think at a rate of 3 sessions a week so another 11 weeks im  going to count down till june because that is when i will be too happy to notice the date :D

Isolation day 15

So far it has been an okay day possibly because well yesterday must have been a relaxation day from man flu/cold/whatever you want to call it that makes us men whiny bitches, so today is going by at a steady not too slow pace unlike my usage of tissues which is very rapid today, its like my nose is trying to compete with my bladder and is winning ! ( i do not care how disgusting the visual you just got was hah!)

lil Sophie is being a prissy princess today ignoring me running away from me when she knows she is in an area she is not allowed in then jumping in my laps within seconds after i sit down, mind you it is rather hilarious watching her drag Jack by the tail , I keep dreaming of someone hell yesterday there was even music in the background thankfully it was a good song but that is not helping with my patience neither is opening the music to shuffle and the first song that plays is the one I heard in the dream maybe its a sign who knows or maybe its the fever making me delusional and abnormally hopeful.

its funny how things happen , about 2 years ago when I was trying to be a good friend to my now ex ( mind you she would probably deny the relationship or whatever the hell it was so not sure if ex is the right word ) so one of the things that happened was she was complaining and talking about her fella at the time who i knew  well knew by name with the occasional small chat not really knew but the way she portrayed him was well she made him seem like a a complete bastard and of course that made me very very angry because in my mind she was a nice girl with a guy not appreciating her and then she said he left her  because " he was afraid of falling for her" now of course prior to that I wanted to have a word with him to make her happy i did like her she knew it but i was also a friend first so i wanted their relationship to work..... I am very glad i didn't lash out on him firstly because he was a good friend of a couple of friends of mine secondly it didn't feel right ... and of course it turns out that she is a lying conniving person sadly and he is a great guy like I originally thought actually better than what I thought, I feel like I owe him an apology I really do hope he doesn't think I stole the lass from him because that was never my intention and it is not something that would even cross my mind unless well someone was being literally abused and that wouldn't particularly count as stealing a lass. So its funny how things work out because now this is a man I feel rather at ease with for some reason and we even exchanged workout advice, looking back at things I am glad he isn't with her either she would have just used him too and he deserves better and frankly although I liked her there was someone I liked more but thought I had possibilities in negative figures to be with thus yeah....
so what i'm saying is you're a good man Tim and sorry


on a brighter note! 2 months is not too young to start potty training a puppy , and my father is hilarious when high on pain killers, someone offered to trade my lil Sophie for a 7 month old doberman and well of course I refused after all yes I could sell him for about $600 but truth is she deserves a better home than someone who will probably just raise her to breed her.

and on that note I need to go shave and go argue with my therapist since it is pretty much arguing for 200$ a session...

p.s:

do i divulge too much personal or private information on this blog?
nobody reads it anyway so it doesn't matter! ( apart from a couple that know it all anyway)

Isolation day 14

Almost half way there YAY!

It has been quite an interesting day, woke up at 6 to the crying of course took them out and tried to resume sleep, ( although i went to bed at 3 am ! until 6 am i slept with no interruptions)( ok i realize that is only 3 hours so scratch my proudness of that achievement ) so as soon as i fell back happily to sleep my phone rings, it is my father telling me he just boarded the plane so i sleepily answered and didn't cuss him for waking me up because it is expected anyway, i set on my merry way to sleepy land once more and arrive after a not too long journey and i am awaken once more by the phone!(i should learn to turn it off shouldn't i) of course i asked him to get me some white Toblerone with him from duty free and he said no how rude!!! see i love white chocolate but every year for easter me and a cousin get white Toblerone in celebration so i thought that there is no need to break the tradition.

of course by then they started scratching at the window/door and i could not go back to sleep so fed them and tidied the house a lil which was a bit pointless since the maid showed up an hour later , so as i was walking back and forth trying to find something to do when all of a sudden I hear a sharp cry yelpy sound which automatically triggers my superpowers and at the speed of light i was in the balcony finding my jack under the laundry hanger that either fell on him because of the wind or he accidentally pulled on it then it fell on him, the second the balcony door was open sophie frantically runs inside i did not notice it at first i was too busy making sure i got it off him and he wasn't hurt i cradle him and he shushes but i still hear yelping, walking inside i find sophie running around yelping like a lunatic .... my dog is such a DRAMA QUEEN! and nobody can convince me other wise!

so they were babied and cuddled  and talked to yes i do sound adorably retarded when i talk to them mind you Marie finds it is as hilarious as me screaming obscenities at the screen whilst playing ps3, ok fine that is pretty amusing ah how i miss the days me and Julie would be sitting in front of the screen shouting at it whilst Shaun just sat there watching us and laughing those were the days.

so my dad arrived and despite his NO! he got me some white toblerone :D , I have been rather tempted to take my project to the wall lately I like the idea of using big spaces like a wall to work on rather than paper, me and jack went for a walk around the building he was such a good boy walking  and running now like nothing was ever wrong, and learning how to sit and use news papers! so proud of him he helps keep my mind of things, the possibility of moving to the states seems to be solidifying and I am kinda liking it but still unsure, home is home after all .

I have noticed an irritation around my knuckles that started as an itch but then i found that my hand around the knuckles is kinda cut up, that was well still is such a disappointment, i mean what if i was going to start my career as a boxer tomorrow! how am i supposed to accomplish that when it hurts to straighten my hand yet alone punch or! wear a glove... there go my dreams down the gutter, shit! this means i cant be a ninja either :( wows me and my unaccomplished career dreams, guess I will have to stick to being a gentleman and a professional air guitarist or a glove-less mime?

Today I feel content and comfortable in my own skin, although my dad insists that I am crazy because he found me laying down snuggled up with puppies all napping , ah well it is easier to be at east with animals than it is most humans.

Isolation day 13

Day 13 the days are dragging they seem to be getting longer and longer, there are not enough activities to occupy my time or stimulate my brain to be exact and of course it is a common fact that when me and my brain are left to our own devices we start over analyzing everything it really does become like a dog with a chew toy that does not erode! it is not a pretty site especially since nothing is off limits.

Today I occupied my time with chasing after puppies cooking for them and trying to potty train them, laundry and cleaning since my father is arriving tomorrow perhaps that will occupy some time, we are bound to get in to arguments and deep discussions when he gets drunk which is estimated at approximately tomorrow night or afternoon, thankfully he is one of the smart intoxicated people who you can actually have a conversation with.

So I have also decided that I am going to stop whining about romance and all that because well nobody likes a whiner and it is not really something I am fixated or obsessed with so it would be bad to give that impression, I also figured why not use the time to get to know my flaws and fix them, now I am going to need a bit of help with that which means I am going to ask friends to tell me what they think my flaws are since what other people consider flaws i may consider a superpower such as determination and being stubborn as a mule, now this does go against the no communicating with friends unless they are new friends rule but lets say I am feeling rebellious and feeling it is quite counterproductive at moment since it is day 13 and there is no change, I am taking the opportunity and it is doing nothing more than drive me crazy as if there wasn't enough motives to go crazy as it is.

so if you would be kind enough to comment, what do you think my flaws are?

the list so far:

- i worry too much about people, and i worry about what people think of me apparently ( i don't really agree with that because i don't give a flying monkey's arse about most people nowadays )

- i do not listen to common sense ( perhaps that is slightly true, then again my idea of common sense and that that i listen to are not always the same )

Isolation day 12

He woke up distressed from a sad confusing dream to the sound of a loud thump followed by loud crying from the bathroom, thinking it was in his head or possibly just hearing things he waited a few seconds staring in to the darkness of the sky outside and trying to unblur his vision to check the time only to find it was around 4 am,  the crying was less loud but did not stop so within seconds he was out from under the warm duvet and jumping from the ground to the bathroom to see what had happened.The joyful look on the pups face when they saw him immediately erased the look of inconvenience on his own face that crept up as soon as he saw that it was nothing more than puppies being puppies, they both hushed immediately till he stepped out of the bathroom and so in his groggy mind that was still trying to figure out the dream he decided maybe the mentally trying to potty train them is working? maybe just maybe the telepathic messages that were being sent to try to get them to do their business outside and not in their bed might be working, in which a smile was drew on his face and they were taken out to do their business. Sadly they decided to play instead although he was perhaps still half asleep and did not notice if they did their business or not, after a few minutes of staring in to the darkness and trying to wash away the feelings of surrender stupidity and heartbreak that resulted from the dream he looked down to find 2 tiny faces sitting in front of the door staring up at him with big brown puppy eyes that seem'd to emit a message saying we will go to sleep for the rest of the night we will most likely wake you up early but we will try not to all we want is your lap and we can all sleep happily every after.

How could one resist such notion even at that time of night, the door was barely open when they were rushing in and jumping between his legs and the bed on the floor, it was chilly out the wind was pushing the door open and lifting his hair from his face as it blew hard on it, streaks of light were appearing at the horizon as if sneaking up behind the buildings like a massive super stealthy ninja. The beauty of the site was indescribable as it usually is the case with a sunrise on a chilly morning when you are freezing but your feet are warm due to furballs being on them and your mind is wandering off to something that is hurting you more than  you care to admit but the beauty is equally enchanting , for those few minutes all he could think about was her smile as the wind blew through her hair so modest so warm , until his brain pulled him back to reality reminding that his shorts may be growing icicles soon and the hairs on his arms were giving a standing ovation as his nose decided it a good time to see what it would feel like if it practiced being a tap.

He stepped back inside closing the doors much to the disappointment of the howling wind with his insides battling between the turmoil in his chest and the heart stirring image lingering in his head, he went back to bed and they followed fighting over his lap only to be disappointed that he was lying down and they would have to settle for cuddling close instead, as if to comfort him or say it will all work out just fine little Sophie decides she wanted to sleep on his chest whilst Jack snuggled up with his arm of course she may have just wanted the larger surface area for a warmer nap but that is something that will be determined later, as he lay there comforted by the heart beat of the tiny little puppy he could not help but feel pity for himself for a mere few seconds after all he was known to be an Ice King when it came to emotions, then it dawned on him that the little runt on his chest and the energetic tyke by his side would not be here if they had given up if they succumbed to the will of their previous owner,memories of jack trying to stand up and falling on his tiny chin flooded him the poor puppy tried so hard to stand and walk there were scabs on his chin and elbows his grunts of frustration still audible in between the sounds of tissues draining the tappy nose, but Jack made it he stood up and jogged since puppies do not run when they are this short in fact they both even pounce like miniature somethings pouncing on their pray or in this case each others ears legs and tails.

Admiring the strength of their will to live happily or possible stubbornness the patience he decided to learn and continue to be more patient after all he has earned the scars and scabs but that breathtaking image in his head will not be one of them it is at the end of the day one of the main reasons he is able to put a smile on his face and challenge the difficulties thrown his way it has been for an entire year now 365 days of this one thought as a streaming power source of warmth and giggles,giving in to the difficulties and giving up on that possibility now would not only be wrong and against his principles it would state that it was just in his head at a time of war and nothing is really there which thankfully is not the case and of course he realized it would prove him unworthy which would be true.

He soon fell asleep feeling confused but better with renewed giddyness and a warm body to go with the image in his head, and the tappy nose that was still attempting to dehydrate itself.





sooooo hey! figured id try that out see if there is any potential writing skills? what do you think is there a spark of authorship by any chance?besides the obvious grammar mistakes that is, more shall be added later! my slight man fluey head needs a nap since they are hogging the covers!

also Ive been watching we bought a zoo and there are only 2 things i remember from it other than the fact that I have found the child that will be used in my project! something about 20 seconds of courage and the other was " If you love me let me know" I like it but I will ramble on about it another day.


So the rest of the day went something like this ZZZzzzzzZZZZzzzzZZZzzzzz between chasing puppies that do not listen and charge to the kitchen any chance they get dont think I've spent so much time in bed for a long while, consumed a liter of orange & carrot sugar free juice that for some reason has with apple written at the bottom of the box guess that is why it tastes nice, I went to the therapist who keeps confirming by the day that she is coocoo , apparently according to her I have a personality disorder but it is not something that is an actual disorder it is a malfunction in my defense mechanism but defense mechanisms are part of personality so they do not call it a defense mechanism disorder but an unknown personality disorder that I will be wasting my time pretending to work on because it does not exist but I lack a good alternative choice at the moment, see the way I see it is my defense mechanism is so awesome at keeping people out which is what is known as functional possibly advanced! with a somewhat not too shabby filtering system that allows certain people to pass certain security barriers , perhaps I am ignorant and stupid but in the current state of the world today is this not a good thing to have? I mean yes let friends in and people you consider family but that should cover it just about .

anyway I am completely unsure what is happening with anything anymore and it is bedtime! or nap time, or snuggle with Sophie time since there is a chance she may be going to a new home tomorrow or Friday.

Isolation day 11

Boredom is slowly eating away at my brain, there is a general lack of interest to do anything however I got up fed the dogs and cleaned the house did some laundry washed the dishes cleaned after the dogs fed them again let them have a nap on top of me( they seem to mistake themselves for cats) tried to teach them the basic command of sit and failed due to young age or they like ignoring me possibly a bit of both.

Gave up on trying to finish the book because every time i start reading my mind wonders of thus new books will be acquired later at the library when these books are returned, any suggestions?

The plan later involves hunting for shoes and contacting a University in the states because truthfully there site was too confusing for my wee brain so calling should do the trick assuming I manage to remember to do it on time within the time limit.


BORED!

and slightly fed up, can not be arsed cooking on the bright side it is a rather beautiful day out ! I would know I've been cradling them outside in the balcony and pretending to get some fresh air!

So I did cook and I burnt my food YAY! me, must have been distracted ok yes very distracted, was supposed to call the university still should but my brain is saying nah not yet because its too busy being aggravated by all sorts of other things, my patience is really extended today unsure why but it seems to be at its limits surprisingly enough there isn't a record in my head going your patience has reached it limits please top up and try again, wonder what accent that would play in my head hmmm and what voice, now that is something to think on.

anyhow yall have a good day whom ever you are! don't be strangers

ever get the urge to just show up at somebody's door ( someone in particular not a random stranger!) for the sole purpose of giving them a hug ?

I kinda wanna do that right now but I am behaving myself and being a gentleman, darn manners and thinking of others feelings!

Isolation day 10

Day 10 or something, feels much longer, I miss talking to my friends now of course when i say that it makes the impression that there are a vast amount of friends that I am in daily communication with, well no that is not the case I do in face have tons of people I know and friend like acquaintances however the people I tolerate enough to be in contact with regularly are few because to put it simply I am one picky ass fucker, ok that sounded wrong I am not an ass fucker or anything like it I am  just VERY picky, picky is safer and c'mon lets face it having a consistent amount of awesomeness in your life is to be earned not just expected.

Sooooo I miss some of my friends I miss talking to darls and my brother and random conversations, mind you i slipped quite a bit yesterday with it being mothers day n all but hey it would have been rude to ignore it! and the mood to be rude was not exactly hitting me yesterday ( no i did not use it as an excuse! i did not talk to eve half as much people as i could have) I am not getting used to this at all.

On the bright side though there is pizza on the way which is probably the wrong way to reward myself after noticing my legs are getting more toned but hey! when the need for pizza presents itself you go get pizza

Tomorrow is my final french exam and I have decided I can not be arsed going, of course i say that now when I have a dizzy head hungry can't move because my lap is fully occupied by 2 adorable but needy puppies that seem to have claimed it, but also not looking forward to the 7 am rise, I got 98% on my last test that is good enough for me, I now know the language is not that difficult to learn ( yes I am ignoring all the rules of grammar that the teacher spent hours talking about whilst i was day dreaming about how awesome it would be to have ninja squirrels)

so no more french! for now, I also have this crazy idea in my head today which is why don't i transfer my credits to an american university and finish my last year there? i've found there are plenty of jobs in my field so that is a good omen/sign , still toying with the idea might call up a couple of universities tomorrow and check if they have any forensic biology or genetic degrees and the policies on transferring credits .

This pizza is taking way too long to bloody get here!

Mothers day

What in your opinion makes a mother?

 is it giving birth or the breast feeding the nurturing the diaper changing the long long nights the taking to school and teaching and educating and Dr visits ? the silly songs to get you to eat the cakes to cheer you up the kind tooth fairy, Santa even? the sheltering or possibly the driving lessons the conversation about " the one" and how you do not meet him / her when you are a teenager, the arguments about college, or cleaning your room, laundry, home cooked food, reading to you , the naughty step/corner, making sure you eat that darn broccoli ?

could be a variety of things that would possibly make a decent mother but the truth is anybody can do that many are even paid to do most of the above however there is one thing that distinguishes a mother from the rest and no biology /genetics / blood type is absolutely not it, I would have to say it is genuine caring.

not because she has to , not because she is obligated and is responsible otherwise she is a sinner in the eyes of God the Church the Mosque and social services and of course Santa would put her on the naughty list, or because there is material gain out of it even if it is in the long run.

Takes a kind warm understanding heart to be a mother to put up with all our crap and shower us in discipline kind and warmth in hopes we learn something that will armor us against the big bad nasty world ( which is precisely what the world has become in case you have not noticed ).

Now a mother is of vital importance in a child's life due to most of what is above and in an adult's life because well everyone needs a mom! unless your a fish you can settle for a cool dad as the movie " finding nemo" demonstrates , however many of us are not lucky enough to have a mother thankfully God has blessed us with Mother Figures who are just as awesome as a real mom! xcept you don't necessarily get to spend as much time with them sadly however this day is for them too!

For every woman that has cared and contributed in the life of a child a man a woman or evenit  a pet ( unless its a fish, if you can eat it without society frowning upon you then it can not be a pet ) I would like to say thank you  it is appreciated we are lucky to have you and are grateful , to all you wonderful Mothers out there that give somebody a reason to smile and hope that there is possible salvation for humanity Iwish you a delightful Mother's day.

and for the smart arse ones that are going to say ours is in May not now I say shush and embrace the extra celebratory day that I Me Almighty am encouraging you to take advantage of, you are special one extra day of acknowledging that will not result in an attack by pigeons with diarrhea !

Isolation day 9

Today is so far boring, French was a waste of time despite the fact that it involved human contact it was nobody I particularly wanted to talk to thus did not talk to anyone, however the look on the pups faces and how they chose me over food was quite nice I rarely get the reaction from anyone that they are happy to see me that is most likely due to the fact that I do not particularly give the impression that i would like it which is true its not something I usually allow, see from my life experience when someone is happy to see me that means they need something that they are too lazy to do themselves or do not want to pay for it to be done so heeeeeeeeey your here ! its so good to see you ! can you take care of this for me ? hence why it is something i usually avoid because thus far it has been rare for me to have someone happy to see me just because they have missed me or something.

 " I miss you" another phrase I very rarely believe because people rarely mean it anymore it is one of those phrases which are practically power phrases that have been SOOO misused that they lose all possible meaning, unless of course you know it is a person that only says it when they mean it that does take time to determine but we are not completely extinct its not like last of the users ( ok that just sounds wrong) or the last non word bender.

of course the L word phrase will not even be mentioned as that is a forbidden phrase! and no that was not a reference to the tv series which was not half bad then again the amount of semi naked women in it would prevent any guy from complaining to be honest, lets see other misused phrases hmmm " I'll get right to it " " I'm sorry "  " I forgive you"  "no" "yes" ok those are more simple words that are used with a double meaning even if they are quite explicit in what they mean but such is life, " ill call you back in a bit" that is more a polite way of saying you are boring me most times , " you are beautiful/precious"

and many other things that I am trying to think of but I am slightly distracted by Jack not staying put exploring the apartment.and falling on his face.

Isolation day 8

Did I already mention how thrilled I am that the task of possibly months to get the pup to walk has taken less than a week more so that he is healthy? jumping around , cheeky as fuck and all that? because I am and they are both cute as fuck! shame that it means new homes are to be found for them soon, maybe wait till Sophie is a bit stockier she would currently make a very cute bag dog, yes yes I  have been going on and on and on about the dogs lately, they do occupy a fair bit of time what with the new mission of trying to semi potty train them and all.

Yesterday after waking up I felt " this is a day to get some work done" and I did start on part 1/15 of the project it was going quite well till it occurred to my brilliant brain that the woman involved should not look German or have the bulk of a man sooo it is being restarted.

found a few loopholes (or flaws in my opinion )with the hole isolation theme, see I am encouraged to meet new people if I want even through chat which is fine however what difference does it make wither they are new or old since in chat I mostly get called by my id rather than my name , so ignore anyone who uses my name and talk to anyone who uses my id? sure brilliant plan! xcept for the fact it is a loophole I don't like , after 8 days of barely communicating with anyone I have come to the conclusion that I am still the same man that started this or to be specific agreed to this 8 days ago with the exception of more of my time and affection is going towards the puppies.

not bad for a friendly monster that does not know how to express emotions apparently, but the thing is are all our emotions supposed to be expressed? yes I'm very bad with expressing anger  but that is somewhat a good thing you see when I decide it is time to express anger( see how Awesome I am I control my emotions and decide when to unleash them!) it means the person truly deserves the wrath they are going to get or it is someone that will be getting a piece of my mind and informed to Fuck off because they do not deserve to be in my life.

I need a nap

Perhaps I am learning a bit of self worth or self value whatever you want to call it, not just anyone deserves to be a  part of your life, or is that just the picky side of me talking? or or or! maybe it is a new defense mechanism to keep people away? or perhaps it is the sane way to keep good people in your life as oppose to joy succubi ( i was inclined to write succubuses it sounded cooler ) and people who bring you down.

who knows?



I'd also make a horrible Father figure because I am very bad with discipline, for a man with no feelings I am pretty soft , but its ok it means i get to wrestle more with the pups!

no seriously I am going to nap now since I am not in the mood to binge on chocolate or vegetables , and there is a temptation to get a military hair cut that one must fight, all the spontaneous extra shooting is putting my brain in ninja mode since my balcony is a perfect sniper location ( perhaps I may have been over indulging in Call of duty just a little bit?)



I have reason to believe my therapist might be a bit loopy , since she keeps creating things that are different about me every time she see's her i told her blatantly the only thing that is different about me is that I stopped taking the meds and maybe just maybe your different? she accepted the possibility perhaps i was a bit patronizing but when I behave the same talk the same and so on and the very few people that I do get to talk to do not notice a change either, then it is her or that is how my brain logically perceives it.

So tomorrow there might be a final french exam and of course the inclination to study or revise for it is currently still on snooze mode.

I also have the urge to do something that may be considered stupid right now, but instead I got some work done.

bon noit mon amies! ( assuming that is how plurify yes yes i know that is not a word, but as i was saying assuming that is the plural version of the word amie )

St Paddy's

                                                                 

I am proud and pleased to announce that I now have a semi walking puppy! the use of the word semi was not a fluke it is quite intentional see he is getting the hang of walking and also trying to pounce on his small but fiesty sister ( who just happens to be good at holding her own and pouncing back almost tearing his ears off thankfully her size does not permit that ) as I was saying he is semi walking because he is a lazy bugger no surprise there and he does not take no for an answer, it was a battle of wills i wanted him in his designated place next to me he wanted to be on my lap starts coming over i pick him up and put him back and he just starts walking over again.

Tomorrow is St Paddy's day, now I will not claim to know anything about it other than everyone dress's like the hulk this includes beer eggs and well the green cat i saw earlier today or like Pro Gadaffi supporters / the previous Libyan flag , and get severely intoxicated, have fun , puke the contents of their digestive system on to the closest surface depending on the level of intoxication of course some people have ample amounts of self control and can keep it in till they reach a bathroom, it is also a good time for a weekend get away.


soooooo I would like to say to everyone who celebrates it for wither it is for the Irish religious aspect or the green aspect of the day , Have fun! do something you will regret ( not on the long run though) be safe and try not to get caught on video doing something stupid that will most likely be put on you tube, however if you are that awesome and manage that do share the link !

Isolation day 7

It has been a week now or well a week within a few hours, I have slipped up a few times but I do not particularly care, some would argue that this being unfair or unjust and not giving it a proper chance especially with stopping the medication without the therapists knowledge which may or not may have an impact on the study /research part of this therapy, which is leading to the debate in my head which is since she has noticed a difference in my presence that she blames the puppies for is it worth just telling her no it has nothing to do with the puppies it has more to do with the fact that i am currently medication free??

yes it will anger her she may abort the whole thing but we shall see there is till Saturday to decide.

my puppies are cheeky bastards... of course it is only natural that my subconscious choice of  foster puppies would be like that, I left them lying down at there designated place whilst I popped in to the kitchen to check on my food for literally less than a minute next thing I know is they have both left the designated area assigned to them somehow transported their hineys across the room and on to the mattress that I have on the floor, now the lil one did not surprise me she has been eyeing the mattress since she arrived usually it is to climb on my lap whilst I am seated well that was my impression anyway apparently it is the mattress she wanted ( insert pouty face) what did put a smile on my though is seeing that somehow he managed to climb out transport across and climb too which means his front legs just might be getting stronger :D, hopefully they are since his medication has been doubled he is getting sun bathed from 9 am and hand fed sooooo fingers crossed, have to admit he certainly is a trier .

Was a bit disappointed a couple of hours ago for reasons which will not be stated however I find I am still willing to make the exception and continue being patient hopefully understanding and stand by my word or you know just not go anywhere or change my mind, if it were anybody else I would have given them hell and told them to bugger off but which is what I have done in the past but for some reason or well thankfully is more the word probably, it is not triggering the same emotions with this one person instead it is more like a motivation to be consistent with my persistence ( if you use that as a slogan I have copy rights!)

was informed yesterday that pretty much I have 90 more days to go as of yesterday so that was one week of wasted bloody count down! and I wont get to go home for easter but that is ok the sooner im done the sooner i can go home and plot revenge on Africa! ok no that shall not be done , sorry was just interrupted by the urge to check on sun bathing puppies to find them both eating again and the balcony full of shyte, usually my reaction would not be "HAPPY!" at the site of this however since we established the importance of bowel movement last time in case you did not read that though ( because my readers just had to be cheeky and not comment thus there is no knowing who is who and who read what!) a pooping puppy is a healthy puppy essentially with exceptions of course, so was gladly cleaning that up and baby talking to them which of course is wrong and wrong and wrong and you should not be caught doing it despite the effect it has on women , on that note though a man that will baby talk/puppy talk is a good man with exceptions of course even the manliest macho-est of men will do it even if they try to hide it they will still do it at the absence of anybody , anyway! what the conversation (between me and you course i'm not talking to myself!) was getting to that after cleaning up shit was done with ( so not what I imagined myself doing with my life at this age) and the puppies were back on the clean floor the lil fella got up and took about 4 steps! properly!! :D  not the slightly elevated but back legs doing the most of the work but actual steps yes his paws were not flat out but he will get the hang of using his paws rather than knuckles ( do dogs even have those ?or is it a different name) .... and he just did it again! people we have a pup who if cute as fuck on the road to recovery! and I need to go buy some newspapers if the newspaper shop is open since it is Friday

btw it has to come to my attention that I well maybe erm talk a lot? that usually is not the case ( or is it) but my writing has increased as you can tell since the isolation even if it is being done wrong yes I am not completely not talking to anyone but 95% less is just as good!

oh and! there is Greys Anatomy this week YAY!

Quotes from books

Since a considerable amount of reading is being done , I figured id share any quotes said that I like with you

" the people without passion are the ones who always say no, but the happiest people are the ones who understand that good things occur when one allows them too, .... say yes more "

" to find riches is a beggar's dream, but to find love is the dream of kings"

Note/Warning:
You may notice a degree of sappiness in many of the chosen quotes, please indulge it, it does not mean that I am a feminine or over sensitive man in anyway, I am just sweet on someone and having a hard time doing it right.

Genius takes common sense too

If ones actions are honest, one does not need the predated confidence of others, only their rational perception

Thought he told himself quietly, is a weapon one uses in order to act. Thought is the tool by which one makes a choice. Thought sets one's purpose and the way to reach it.


You place too much importance... on the so-called purity of blood. You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be."

Isolation day 6

Technically as it is past midnight it is considered day 6 and of course more will be added to this blog tomorrow, I have been slipping more but still 95% of the time at least not communicating with friends, and strongly disliking it might I add! lets face it despite my insistence on hating humanity due to its ill manners and lack of common  sense also the fact that most people only look like humans nowadays, despite all that it appears that there may be a slight possibility that I am a people person despite my better judgement .

not sure if that is considered one of my better or worse traits what would you say? the pups are doing better the tails are wagging a lot today and more attempts to stand up by lil man, lil lady is a bit more playful too and they are pretty laid back  and sleepy, they do mistake themselves for lap dogs or simply like my lap whilst i cuddle them and read.

noticed that I seem to be procrastinating with starting my project that is either because I am slightly confused subconsciously or I wish it to be entirely perfect and my brain is still putting ideas together we shall see...


it is time to try and sleep now and finish the rest of the day tomorrow :D ( that sounded so wrong! the meaning obviously was the rest of the post)

sleep is improving every night and last night I was lucky enough to dream of her which is good when you don't get the opportunity to talk to someone as much as you want or at all a dream can give you a lil patience or so I am willing to convince myself for the time being at least, in fact there is serious debate between both my cerebral hemispheres in regards to attempting to get back to sleep whilst pups are bathing in the sun and have eaten.

Of course that may just involve marching up the military something something services in front of me and confiscating all their musical instruments because they are annoying as fuck! whilst I'm at it might as well tell them that despite their police officers or whatever it is that they have all over the place they are useless considering there was shooting and breaking a car/cars yesterday in front of the building and they did nothing to stop it.

Isolation day 5

last night I slept more than I did on any given night within this last week , yes it was very disturbed sleep so to speak , not continuous which was ok since i checked on the pups almost every hour but it was not too difficult to fall back to sleep, so I am impressed with myself even if I must say it myself ! thought this drug might of screwed up my sleep for ever and that the will power to not take it for the sake of sleep and sanity would overcome the will to wean my mind of it, this is why i do not like drugs, my mood has been fantastic without it my sleep is returning somewhat so the presence of medication is far from necessary.

Also my appetite today is virtually non existent which leads me to believe the excessive hunger and lack of losing weight despite a strict diet was part of the drug side effects, in saying that.... one still feels like having a gigantic pizza, which i presume is medium size in the states, see what is considered large for us is probably small in the states as far as pizza sizes go a large american pizza is equivalent to a 3-4XL pizza in the UK, so tis only natural that my craving is for the american pizza wouldn't you think?

tyke tried to get up more today he also pooped twice.... YAY!! no no brace yourself I am not crazy not just yet anyway, but see bowel movement is essential for a healthy puppy so having a puppy that can not stand or walk and is constipated... is NEVER a good sign, thankfully we are back to just lil tyke being very fond of gravity today and attempts to overcome his potential disability , mind you on that note a pup's poop can tell you things about it's previous owner /breeder , based on my poop analysis of tyke and nameless ( i don't even know why i am calling him tyke i kinda decided not to name them because no names means less attachment)
the previous owner has no idea how to handle a dog nor what to feed a puppy and what he has been feeding or what he has not been feeding them is the more suitable statement , is the cause for the size of the small one, hopefully it is also the reason for tyke's movement issues

The weather is nice today cool not warm, which meant a hairdryer had to be used on the lil ones after they had a bath, they didn't like it much but soon settled down, i did get bitten by the smaller one whilst feeding them this morning though.... she thought my finger was food has a good strong jaw must admit.

foster puppies

sooooo i have the 2 puppies, the owner was not particularly helpful and gave the vibe that he just wanted rid of them , one is a runt and is suffering form malnutrition i would say the other is significantly bigger in size but can not even stand, now the owner said he took him to the vet and the vet said it was just a calcium deficiency but to be honest it seems more like something neurological we will see soon enough, finally got them both to eat a lil and feel a bit relaxed after hours of my arse glued to the floor ( it still friggin hurts!)they seem to have found a bed in my lap the lil one keeps trying to crawl up my lap when i put her down or perhaps its the warmth and the bigger one who may be called Tyke not sure yet seems less frustrated when lying on his back in my lap at least he whines a lot less.

it is sad when breeders do that, and of course they are not pure breeds which is not the issue but telling me i can sell them and keep the profit when i offered to get them healthy and give them back struck me as fishy , they seem to have been deprived from affection so that will have to be sorted ASAP, dont think i will sell them for profit just find them a good home or if a buyer is available give it all to the shelters here God knows they need it, as for now they are napping so I need to attempt to take a nap too which was on my to do list for the day.


P.S:
all you lovely readers.... feel free to leave a comment ( merely to serve my curiosity because i have no idea who is reading this! besides the lovely Darls and Marie )

Isolation day 3 or 4

My sleep pattern was beyond disturbed BUT!! there was some sleep , its working! my brain is slowly returning back to its senses! ( one is hoping anyway) realized the fact that I can not just put my bed on the pillow and sleep when i am tired bothers me more than lack of socialization .

Today I will be working on part 1 of my project, attempting to take a nap and cleaning the ac filters in addition to working out, reckon that should keep me out of trouble for one day? and hopefully remember to take the food down to the strays since it was cooked ready and not taken down, hopefully can get back in to the habit of working out it crossed my mind if i maybe workout twice a day that may assist the ole sleep pattern? we will see for now one must run of to french and learn to speak snobbery !

French was not half bad apparently there was homework which of course i did not know about and i managed to do it within the 4 minutes whilst the teacher was checking other people's work, and due to that it has been decided that might as well brush up on what little Italian i know because the similarities are amazing.

I know we always say the Romans/Romance languages are of the same origin and so they are very similar but you don't really recognize just how alike languages are till you are trying to learn or so it is in my case.

The urge to have a chat just for the sake of not following orders is less today however it is not particularly easy to nod and smile entirely throughout a conversation when someone is particularly talking to you not just a group mind you i did slip and told someone to get better oooops my bad ! ( or maybe a cheeky subconscious ?)

I will have to take a 5 minute time out from isolation to answer the puppy man assuming he does call today , I offered last week to take care  of / foster 2 lil puppies that are having difficulty walking fingers crossed they are ok , the vet told puppy man that it is a calcium deficiency if that is the case then proper food and patience should do the trick but we shall see

Isolation day 2

Managed to somewhat fall asleep at around 4 or 5 am last night was in bed for hours tossing and turning and of course thinking, I should not think too often alas it is the most thing I am currently doing my brain takes me too all sorts of places, the rules of the isolation have slightly changed today I can make "new " friends as long as I do not use my name/legal name.... and of course stubbornness kicked in, rather not talk to anyone than make new friends and pretend to be someone else .

think i made it clear today that this is not that much of a challenge for me yes it is difficult to get me to shut up so no real contact with people i do not deem idiots is difficult but proving that I am right well sometimes it comes at a price perhaps, I have already finished a book today, bloodlines by Sydney Sheldon... very nice book, now I will continue to read my other book that refuses to end but has a nice story which is atlas shrugged by Ayn Rand , very wise woman she is way ahead of her time.

Boredom is eating at my brain but I found this is actually day 3 not day 2 which is good, I can't seem to find where they sell calendars here but finally remembered the arab word for it !

Isolation day 1

                                                                                           
Within the last 50 hours I have managed to sleep a total of 3 hours on and off, why? well about a month or 2 ago i was having trouble staying asleep and falling asleep before 2 am or so and so I was started on a medication aimed to help me sleep with the promise of hopefully when it is time to come of it i can sleep without it or as i understood resume to my previous screwed up sleep schedule.


However what I was not informed of was that if I were to stop taking it I will not be able to sleep which due to recent sessions is making me have serious doubts but alas for now I am keeping my word ( yes I know there has been a lot of whining lately but hey it is my blog i can whine and you would be whining too if you were isolated from communicating! this does not count as communicating merely documenting and letting steam out) , and so I am sleepless and hating it after all it is difficult enough to pass the time as it is so increasing the time to be passed certainly is not  a thumbs up. and i refuse to go back on sleeping pills.


Besides who in their right mind would isolate someone they are trying to treat from severe ptsd!! is it just me that that doesn't make sense to or ?




So since I am not convinced with this whole thing I have decided their are priorities to me so there is a certain one or two that will be checked on regularly because frankly I do not want them to get the impression that I was not serious or changed my mind or walking away or any shyte like that, not a risk I am willing to take so to speak.




Day one is over and I have not spoken to anyone, did a bit of research for my project, since i have more time on my hands i may start on it tomorrow assuming i have the patience to sit and do the work or maybe i will find something to procrastinate with.


Not much to do other than read for pleasure read for my dissertation and read for my project, since playing call of duty although amusing to whomever is listening to me shout at the screen like a moron is proving to be a failure, the bastard experienced gamers keep shooting me! which is why i will hopefully get my new games within the next couple of days, mind you i am tired of looking at screens, I am dying to work but that involves people so no work for another 29 days.


Did i mention it is getting hot? it is getting bloody hot me and heat aren't friends yes that contradicts certain plans in motion but that bridge will be crossed when the time comes, for now the heat and the diet are adding to the challenge , thankfully the asset of being mule-ishly( is that even spelled right?) stubborn and the conviction of my rightness which will be proved should aid somewhat.


The plan is to possibly right about each day for documentation and boredom control, also not many of my friends read this , don't think people will worry that i suddenly dropped of the grid but i do hope that nobody thinks i am ignoring them if they try to contact me and i do not respond, i know it is not a nice feeling to think you are ignored so i apologize in advance if i make anybody feel that way.




time to attempt sleeping, Adiou!




p.s:


i tried to change the layout however i could not figure out how to make the post background black like it was 

rant

Here is a question that has been on my mind today, what or who determines what another person deserves from you? what makes someone deserve to be respected ? is it superior intellectualism or life experience or perhaps a said title or maybe because it is what you are told to do ?

who exactly gets to tell you what you are supposed to do and by what right do they get to ?
when do you decide it is too much or enough is enough? or if the person is worth the hell they are making you go through?

plenty of questions of the sort are bouncing in my mind at the moment, really who gets to decide all this stuff and based on what?


I am finding myself in a situation where I gave my word and as a final chance for reconciliation however I am also the one being put through hell and made to jump through hoops, 90 days of hell have passed and there is another 90 days of more undiluted hell to go with the latest of unreasonable requests being no communication with anyone, because your personality is basically a friendly monster that feeds and good feelings and talking to people encourages the monster to grow..... did you understand what that means? because i sure as hell didn't

I am an honest hard working ambitious man with a normal amount of intelligence , i honor my word ( obviously that is on the list of my most recent mistakes) i say what i mean, i do not give  up easily and if i say i care then I truly do because I am also emotionally retarded in a sense apparently due to the fact that I do not allow just anyone to get close which in my opinion is reasonable enough, after all people are barely people anymore nowadays so it is better to only let certain people close it is a defense mechanism yes but thankfully i do not think i am a bad judge of character ( thank you spidey senses!) thus when I care it is the real deal and I will be as patient as needed to make the person cared about feel it, I am also a family man which is what has me in this mess to begin with, I am not certain if this is to salvage the relationship with my father what is left of it anyway or to prove that I do what it takes to try and make a family work, because currently my thoughts are somewhere along the line of someone does not accept you for who you are and is willing to make you suffer in attempts to change you ( which will not work im as stubborn as a mule especially when i am right)or break you and reassemble you to how they see fit, are they worth it even if it is family?

does real family do that? I wouldn't know I never had a real family ( blood wise) none of them ever behaved  that way anyway it was all want want want want, yes it has taught me what not to be and has allowed me to continually improve who i am as a person or at least try to ....

So I guess I just have to sit and pray for patient for the next 30 days wish me luck, or well my therapist luck because I intend to give her a hard time since she is being unreasonable and frankly I am pretty much convinced she has no idea what she is doing... damn my word!

International Women's Day

                                                       
As today is International women's day it is only fit to right about women wouldn't you think? the question is am i in the mood to just write, say why i like them, or complain about them?

I mean ok some of them are as awesome as dragons but some also have the tendencies to eat their young right? they nag about the toilet seat being up whilst it takes less than a second to just bring it down ( a man should have the equal right to whine about the toilet seat being down if they are among the lazy majority that doesn't bother aiming or putting it back down) , they talk a lot, do not always make sense , of course i am generalizing here which is probably not the best thing to do but i will hopefully rectify that by the end of the post.

In many societies they are programmed to not stand up for themselves and to be nothing short of a household object if not a slave for the convenience of " the man of the house" which is not necessarily the husband in most cases it starts of with the father and brothers too, they are expected to weigh on the males of the house hold at all times and take up all household tasks from cleaning the yard to bringing a glass of water, they are paid less, thought of as incompetent , many would argue that they do not even have the full mental capacity of a man, they  do not have the same rights as a man and are not offered the same opportunities ,slaves, sex objects, machines are often the duties of a woman.

now these are just a few facts not my personal opinion just yet.

They are bossy and clean they know everything about everything, emotional, fatal at times, drive you absolutely loopy, will eat your fries and most likely any chocolate you have hidden, they will ignore you and confuse you they will make you doubt yourself and change you, and many have jumped of bridges because of a woman.



But see the thing is none of that is right and not all of it is negative, if you thought of humanity as a sun or a planet women would be the warm core that fuels the entire life of that place, they are bossy because we often lack direction and have no idea what we are doing so it is a way of helping us reach our possible potential , they know everything because we don't and lets face it it is good to have a woman around that will ask for directions when you are being too stubborn to do it, they will ignore you and confuse you and drive you nuts mostly because they like you and don't know what to do with that ( sometimes it is because you are a good man sometimes it is because you aren't the result isn't that much difference "why" is a big factor )


We all know that women bring life in to existence with birth and all that, but personally i think it has more to do with the raising than the physical act of giving birth, they bring out the life that god created inside of you and mold it into the greatness that it can be that is bringing life out in to the world, also for the lucky few that are able to meet a woman that reignites life within the depths of one's soul and unzombify the person one that shines the light on the colors and cranks up the volume of life's music.

They are capable of making a true difference not in one person's life but an entire generation if not 3.

Women are smart amazing beautiful ( not all but you get the gist of it ) and we should appreciate their efforts more now personally i think having a day for that is not good enough it changes nothing after all a woman gets mothers day valentines day birthdays name days other occasions where they should be pampered to the  maximum but the truth is that is all not necessary , if you have a good woman in your life show her that you care make the effort every single day if you are too tired use small gesters just make her know you care and celebrate her existence in your life because we aren't all that lucky.

and for heaven's sake tell the women in your life you love them!

so how to treat a woman is a subject for another post but it is really a lifestyle or personality trait if you will, in saying that it does not eliminate the fact that they are cheeky buggers!

on that note I would like to say thank you to Amy, Taneisha, Marie, Sandra, Darls,  I am grateful to have you in my life and love you all in your own way more than i can express.

Happy women's day to you all!

p.s: I had plenty more to say but i forgot it so maybe next year

Dragon

Dragons, big sometimes slimey smooth reptilian gigantic Massive Intelligent wise creatures, some would say they are mythical some would say magical we can all agree there is an air of magnificent mystique that surrounds a dragon or even the idea of one( unless you are one of the few grumpy people that do not believe in the possibility of dragons then you just suck)

To me dragons are magical they represent power and wisdom, they represent believing that everything is possible also the innate power of  inner strength, I also think they provide guidance through rough times.
there are a few amazing people that have a vibrant dragon within that you can not help but sense a dragon that can not only guide them but you too.

dragons also make good pets, it is a nightmare if you are taking it to the park for potty purposes a big shovel will be required but if you train it well enough you will be able to get it to fly over to someone you don't like's house and do their business airborne , that is especially funny if the person has a pool. Of course the only problem with that is if you are the only one in the neighborhood that owns a dragon.

they are also a very good alarm system, if you do not have anything cooking in the kitchen and you start to smell something burning it is safe to assume that someone's pants are on fire, it is known that dragons have a good sense of humor so they will not hesitate to fake sleeping then setting someone's pants/shirt/hat on fire.

on that note they are good for economic heating because the dragon feeds on unwanted pets that wonder on to your property so you do not have to worry about feeding it and makes it warmer for drying your clothes, they also provide a fast mean of transportation with the lack of parking space and gas price problem to deal with, many locations may request a roof parking permit but it can be settled easily once your dragon shows its shiny teeth.

they also are good for getting in shape if your dragon is feeling up to it they can fake wrestle with you to provide you with   a work out.

in conclusion dragons are completely awesome

you should get one from your nearest dragon retailer!

potential little things that make a difference

This was mentioned in a previous blog so i figured why not make an actual list, and why don't you add to it with me?



opening the door , brownie points if you open the door to someone with their hands full , and your elderly neighbor will put a good word in for you with the other youngins if you hold the door for them, this includes elevator doors.

smile to people and stop being a grump, you'll get smiled at when you need it.

try to be as kind as possible

say thank you even when you don't need to , its nice to make someone feel appreciated.

clean up after yourself at a fast food place yes people are paid to do it but is it really going to take up so much of your time? do it!

if you take something from the shop floor and changed your mind try to put it back where you found it

leave a tip if the place is good, leave a tip even if the food is bad as long as your waiter is good, leave a tip even if the waiter is bad they might just be having a bad day.


* added by the lovely Darls
talk to random old people, they're quite often lonely and you'll see their face brighten with happiness.. plus.. they tell AWESOME stories about their lives. A 5 minute chat with an elderly person can make the difference between just another lonely day and a bright moment in their life they will think back on and smile about :)


since the elderly have been brought up it is only appropriate to mention getting items from higher shelf or at least trying to if you are old like me, giving them your place on a busy bus/train/dragon/flying ape


if they have to ask you for help do not behave like an ignorant eejit do not whine do not huff do not puff even if you are tired help them get up or walk to the bathroom or sit down or whatever it is with a KIND SMILE on your face because it took a lot for them to ask for help honor their pride and be a good person.


if you see an injured bunny or bird fight the urge to ring its neck and make stew, instead take it to the vet if you can't afford to take it to a shelter, if you know how to heal the wound do it yourself.


Note:
I am not preaching I either do or will do every single thing that is mentioned on this list.






talking ill of people behind their back does not speak highly of you, even if you would say the same thing to their face it still gives a bad impression, now don't get me wrong i am by no means a perfectionist the reality of the matter is that we all do it however there is a difference between doing it every now and again, doing it at the heat of the moment and doing it constantly with the simple pathetic excuse or justification in my opinion which is " because i can".

People are a wee bit testy today usually i don't mind this but someone being rude just because they don't like you for no particular reason is well ... i am inclined to say not nice but that is not the case i mean there are plenty of people i just don't like for no reason what so ever but you have to at least try to maintain respect till they behave too annoying to ignore otherwise it is just ill mannered , it is kind of ironic that it is the little things that tell more about a person than the bigger things.

pause for cake


ok the best beverage to have with cake ( yes i tasted every single one of them till i found the one that tasted ok enough ) is not wine it is milk cold semi skimmed milk .

ok back to what i was saying, what was i rambling about? oh little things tell you more about a person like hmmm lets see like what, this could be a list that i keep coming back to an adding , so like any little rituals they have some people for example collect broken/mutated/deformed/special shells at the beach whilst others will only take home the complete/close to perfect ones, the way you talk to anyone who is considered an employee of yours even if temporary, how you treat the taxi driver or the door man, id go as far as how you treat strangers and animals especially animals.

since i am losing my track of thought by you tube videos i will conclude with saying what you do reflects on you and only you so if you are going to treat people like shit for no reason they wont make much of it but you keep it up and you will find yourself all alone because complete arses alienate people as do people with no sense of humour and people that take too things way too seriously, and i am not talking about the few that are not real arses the ones with a soft lovely inside that they are trying to protect im pretty much referring to the ones that forget to think before uttering bullshyte.

anyway Caaaaaake