Z

I feel so bad finishing a week after everyone else ! it has been partially due to technical difficulties as for some unknown reason the site didn't work, and ive been manfluing for the last 10 days, and working ( im on antibiotics im not infecting everyone left right and center !).

Z I couldn't think of something other than Zebra for this , or how Z is the last letter of the alphabet and so signifies endings which signifies new beginnings.

I have recently had a friendship pretty much end , a best friendship , for reasons very unknown to me , it was a drop of the face of the planet , refuse to talk to me kind of ending which is sad. This person's nick name was actually Z .

Sometimes things need to be brought to an end , or cut loose, to make space for new beginnings , which is what makes some things bitter sweet.Sometimes it just provides the opportunity for whatever is ending to evolve in to something even better and so you start a new with something different, you know think butterfly just in relationship form. And sometimes we just have to move on from things and accept that life is change , and some changes hurt more than others but that's ok , nobody grew or evolved from sugar coating , width does not count !

So here is to Z ! may your new marriage be a blessed one and may it bring you happiness.

and here is to the letter Z in general! may all your endings come accompanied with sweeter new beginnings.

Have a lovely day people

Y

You can take back your memories

They're no good to me

And here's all your lies

You can't look me in the eyes

With the sad, sad look

That you wear so well

When you see my face 

Hope it gives you hell

Hope it gives you hell

When you walk my way

Hope it gives you hell

Hope it gives you hell

When you find a man that's worth a damn and treats you well

Then he's a fool you're just as well

Hope it gives you hell

x

I admit , i have no word for x !

W

W is for worth/worthiness

Only the Worthy can lift Thor's hammer, I suggest that if and when you see the Avengers sequal, enjoy Thor's facial expressions !

I am trying to not give out spoilers here, though it is sooo hard, because it is soooo AWESOME!

what or who decides what is worthy or what someone is worth? I know from recent experience that it does not take much to make one feel like they are worth nothing, that they are unworthy of basic things. Though that is entirely not true, there is nobody on this planet that does not have worth.

You are the only one that can decide and dictate what it is you are worth or if you are worthy of something/someone/someone's hammer , and that is done through your actions and believing in yourself, nobody can decide that for you , yes they can make you feel bad but that is usually only because they feel bad about themselves and this is the only way they know how to feel better.

the beautiful balanced combination of empathy emotion and logic is what creates worthiness in my mind, or so i have learnt through observation and marvel .

You are worthy, just a dig a little deeper and you can see it too :)

V

many nice words that can evolve in to prolonged posts that start with V , such as value and vitality and vulnerability and virtue , yes virtue is something we are lacking , i seem to be able to talk more about negative things or well rant! than i can elaborate on positives lately, that is something i will have to venture in to fixing .

but one word currently comes to mind when i think of the letter V , ok i lie 2 words, because a second word just came to mind just as i was typing that !

V is for Veranda , a real veranda not a bloody patio that a pseudo intellectual will refer to as a veranda.
I am talking about beautiful old Italian/european verandas , in all their sizes that vary from gigantic , to teeny weeny !

I grew up with verandas,ours was long and made of marble and bricks,I spent many nights just staring at the street,people walking, the hustle and bustle of everyday city life, or just the stars at night.Many heart to hearts occurred on that veranda, it is where we went when my brother felt like opening up and talking, may he rest in peace.

it was a happy place, the war changed that of course as the amount of bullets you would find that have landed there rendered it unsafe, also the family moved to another place.

it was on a veranda that i also had my first taste of alcohol , i thought it was apple juice ... but it tasted good, i dislike most alcohol nowadays it was still a good memory though.

Veranda's will always hold a special place in my heart, wither i choose to admit it or not.

Also V is for violin, i like violins, maybe i will try to learn to play it in the future.

U

One of these years I will actually complete all my posts on time!

U is a very tricky letter, it is one of those letters that i cant find a word for at the tip of my tongue or mind , apart from the word umbrella, I don't like umbrellas unless absolutely necessary , because they always break, i have not had a single umbrella that did not break on me. In fact the last umbrella i bought, broke the firs time i used it !

but when i dug deeper in my brain, with the aid of google of course, i found that the list of positive words that start with U , is still very small !

U is for unconditional, I am unfortunately the kind of Unique person that takes that word quit literally, or fortunately ?

Unconditional/unlimited is a word that is self explanatory , in my mind anyway , it means no strings or conditions are attached, none what so ever. Yet it seems that hardly anyone ever means it when they say the word, wither it being to advertise broadband, on your mobile phone contract, where unlimited actually means only 3000 , or with love, there are always conditions no matter what.

on am ore positive note ! U is for unbreakable ! yes I am referring to the Kimmy Schmidt show , which if you have not seen GO SEE IT ! it is wonderful ! be a unicorn!
I know that being unbreakable is not as easy or as simple as it sounds, it requires an enormous amount of inbuilt resilience, though it is not impossible. Unbreakable does not mean bullet proof,it does not mean completely unbreakable, i like to think of it more like you get fractures instead of full breaks , and of course you try to heal faster.

So U is for being an unbreakable unique unicorn ! It may not make literal sense, but I think you know exactly what I mean :)

T

The truth  the whole truth and nothing but the truth...

The truth is you make some choices, but some choices make you.

There are always 3 versions of the truth, it is such an objective thing that can turn messy and tainted when viewed through the lens of emotions and feelings.

The truth is that I don't really know what to write about because T right now to me is for time and terror .

t is also for Tea !

sweet tea! or tea with milk, or earl grey ? or peppermint ! my favourite is either sweet tea or moroccan green tea with fresh mint and almonds, that is absolutely gorgeous.

it is coming up to ice tea season soon :)

S

Serious songs !

like this one

this song perks me up , no i am not sadistic or weird, ok maybe a little weird, but it is such a ncie song !

also sunshine ! we have been having sunshine and it is beautiful, I am not a summer person, why I was going t move to Australia is beyond me because I truly hate the heat, though this summer might just be a bit different, slimming down has been quite advantageous in regards to that as i am more confident but not entirely all there yet.

Summer also gives reason to make Sorbet!

S is for silly , which is what this song is, tis also what I am or used ot be and will be again ! silliness is good, yes people will say it is childish and what not, but it is light hearted fun , everyone needs a bit of silliness in their lives in my opinion !

do something silly today , even if its just listening to that song over and over again :)

have a silly summery day !

R

                                                               Rumi

Q

Q Q Q

If their is one thing the British know how to do ... it is Queue !

Q is for questions, of which I have much more than answers, though today's post is neither about queuing nor about questions nor queens ,and not even quinoa  ( which is horrible , it tastes like bird food so i would highly advise against eating it, though it is super healthy).

Q is for Quran

Now I know that for the most part Islam is not held in high regards , especially not right now amidst the unfortunate high volume of terrorist attacks and all the isis mischief, though people forget that Isis actually does shit inside arab countries too that goes un reported , like the hanging of families in Derna for no reason. Anyhow this is not a post about terrorism.

As the majority know, the Quran is the holy book associated with Islam, it is the last of the holy books derived from Godly religions, I use that term loosely , as i am only referring to the main religions, and not in anyway ignoring any other religion that believes in a God or Gods, just referring to the ones of the same source for example Islam/Judaism/Christianity.

Many people have not read this book, many people burn it as a political action without knowing it's contents, however if you actually stop and read it you would learn so much, it does not just contain religious teachings, though they are many and we could all benefit from them. I don't say that to advocate Islam no, I say that because I have read a lot of it , and the so called religious teachings are actually not religious at all , they are common sense and human teachings for lack of better words, such as .... don't kill , don't steal, be nice to your neighbor, be kind,be charitable,help those in need,be good to your wives and all the women in your life, do not be violent, do not cause conflict, do not gossip,do not take advantage of people. Does that sound like religious talk to you ? because to me it is just a peaceful way of life for everyone to get a long , and that is kind of what it is , it teaches you a way of life, that in this day and time with all the added philosophies and misinterpretations of words and additions and subtractions , has made many people stray away from the actual simple message that the Quran brings with it, which in my mind is love and live.
Not to mention all the scientific stuff that were mentioned in it , that are still being discovered now.

This is a book that preaches peace,yes it has many rulings of things not to do and to be honest those are mostly beneficial, such as the ban on alcohol and anything that affects the brain , many people lack control and don't know how to stop at tipsy , and many people do foolish things when drunk, so the no alcohol rule is purely a protective thing as are many other things.

The Quran, is a beautiful peaceful book , it is also full of stories ! ( I love stories and story telling) I suggest that if you have some spare time one day in your life you take a peak inside and read it .

Have a great day !

P

Positive Positive Positive something positive besides Pizza!

P is for Piano, now that is one hell of a modern unique looking piano and it's pretty cool.
Ever since I was a child I loved the piano, I am not good at playing it because I stopped at a very early age, due to sibling rivalry, which admittedly is stupid, perhaps i will restart. The sound of the piano , the way it can convey emotion with the stroke of  a finger, or well fingers to be more accurate.
it is one of the few things that can take me to another place more often than not,almost majestic.

There are also so many different kinds of music it can make, from classic, to jazz to i dont know what else because those are the only 2 i listen to :p .

One day when I eventually get myself a big house, I will get myself a grande piano, hopefully before then I will also learn how to play it better. 

O

O is for Onwards and upwards !

or Onions, Onions are very healthy and quite delicious , you can add them to any savory dish, they can be sweet, they can be spicy, and they have many layers, like people, rather than me ranting about people and their layers I will show you something delicious, and my new pet !

O is also for Origami YODA!

that is a Guiness with home made salted caramel and sugar-free whipped cream

Food Porn is the word !

L

I have been trying to write this post in my head for a few days now because it was going to be  a long one, it was going to be a long one because i am trying to spin some positivism out of negative feelings or gold out of straw might be a bit easier !

So here goes

L is for love , life , laughter, lies,lessons! and more importantly ... LISTS!

• Do not put an ice-cream maker on the stove or in the microwave.
• Do not put anything metallic in the microwave.
• Do not put Red wine in the fridge, or Champagne in the freezer ( it WILL explode!)
• Do not shave against the hair, that will give you ingrown hairs, and that is particularly annoying.
• Always Always Always treat people with respect, no matter what, no matter the situation.
• Be Kind.
• Body hair is normal , do not let anyone make you feel bad about it ( this is particularly for women),Do not let a man tell you how you should be.
• Be whoever you are, no one dictates who you are but you .
• You are beautiful,no matter what you look like.
• Just because someone acts all tough strong, does not mean that they are not fragile.
• lies hurt.
• Chocolate makes everything better, except Diabetes, it does not make diabetes better.
• vegan's don't eat honey! this is a lesson i learnt yesterday.
• Honesty is usually the best policy ,this does not mean be a dick or be brutal, it means be honest and be nice about, it's not impossible.
• Respect is difficult to re-earn,though still doable.
• Listening is one of the sincerest forms of respect.
• gentleness/softness/quietness is not a sign of weakness.
• floating eggs are bad.
• others can assist in your happiness,but the responsibility to make yourself happy is solely yours.
• people have a variety of different kinds of intelligence, because someone's intelligence does not match yours , does not mean they are stupid.
• nobody can knock you down but you, and you can always get up.
• never give up.
• Nutella rocks ! especially in ice cream form.
• some people hurt others for sport,try not to associate with those people.
• people can be as toxic as poison, try to detoxify yourself from them, it will feel beyond difficult and you will get withdrawals, but in the end you are strong enough and it will be worth it.
• Dogs are wonderful! cats can be cool sometimes too.
• people say a lot with their eyes,and a lot between the lines. Don't read in to it too much , most the time it will have nothing to do with you.
• A woman(or man) that can be bought, is not worth having.

I think that is enough for today, but perhaps i will add as i go along :) have a great day ! sorry for the very late post

M

M is for memories

I have this almost superpower, the ability to suppress memories and feelings , i suppose it is a coping /survival mechanism that i developed over time. It is good because you know shit happens and sometimes it's nice forgetting, though good memories get sucked in to the whirlpool too sometimes.
I think some of my fondest memories have to be just being around my grandmother, she is such a sweet old lady when politics are not involved.She used to always sit in her bedroom  while i take a shower, just to hear me sing , because i am weird and i used to like singing in the shower once upon a time.
I remember my mother's strawberry and cream cakes, they were quite delicious.
i have many memories of my father being drunk and over sharing, im sure it was important information he shared though i honestly never retained it.

I am thankfully starting to retain or actively trying to keep hold of positive memories, like surprise birthday cakes and celebrations,like the fly dog being excited to see me , like the laughter and joy of friends, and long summer bbqs , all these lovely memories that i have started accumulating in the last 2 years they are just wonderful. I remember running around in yellow underwear as a child and pretending to be tarzan. The one good thing about blocking out the bad stuff is, i now have 2 years worth of good memories with Danni because I easily dismiss the bad, it shatters my heart naturally but it reminds that it was not all bad and it is something nice to keep i guess.

M is also for muchness! I think my muchness might be very slowly returning to me or making a  very hard attempt too anyway.

has your muchness disappeared before? do you have any fond memories you would like to share? :)

Narwhals!

As this song has been stuck in my head for God knows how long, I am being kind and sharing with you !
Also yes I am aware I am behind and have 2 posts to catch up on, I will hopefully do that today :)

Enjoy!

K

K is for KINDER!

the chocolate not the german word

Look at it !!! all that choice! all that deliciousness ! I am drooling just looking at that picture.

the delicious creaminess, the texture, the nutella and hazelnut inside it , it is so beautiful and wonderful.

I realize that you can't get much of these in america, and outside of italy you can't get many of the really nice kinder things either.

this is like heaven in a wrapper, that is how good some of these chocolates are , seriously you are missing out.

K is also for my unfinished knitted hat,that currently looks absolutely awesome :D

JARS

J is for jars.

Jars are very useful inventions, you can use them to store/purchase nutella, or kittens as we can see from the picture above.Or other things , though nutella is the coolest.
You can use them to store things in, or to keep your secret stash of something in it!
or you can use it to put pens or paintbrushes in.
or you can use it as a cup.
or as a glass.
or for painting.
or as a weapon.
or to surround a light bulb and giving that very rustic awesome look.
or to look through and make silly faces at someone.
or to build a fort( though maybe use glue or just cushions for health and safety purposes)
or for art!
or to make cakes in!

Jars are amazing! oh oh you can also use it as a bowl for noodles kinda!

J is also for jams, the kind you hear, and this is the jam that is currently stuck in my head ( am i spelling jam wrong? it feels odd using it for music ) Listen to this !

Impossible

I is for I of course, though I have already introduced and given an in depth insight about myself and stuff in the post I , during a previous A-Z challenge, actually after just rereading it , tis still fairly accurate.


So!
I is for Impossible or Impossibilities !( you better not have that mission impossible tune in your head now )

It is such an exciting word don't you think? almost nothing is impossible as far as my logic is concerned, it is all just a matter of time and opportunity.

If you asked me a few months ago if I thought it possible for one individual to apply for asylum and travel documents,all by ones self and do all the lawyer's work for him pretty much, and succeed in the UK . I would have said absolutely impossible! you must be having a laugh! ..... yet I have just received my travel documents yesterday ( I is also for International travel !) and I made the almost impossible happen.

Also head transplants are going to happen soon ! What!
I was reading the article about it yesterday, they actually have a volunteer and the test run is happening in a short few months, who would have thought ! granted if , or when is the more accurate term to use here... when it is successful wither that is now or sometime down the line, it will be misused, though the Intentions ( another awesome I word) that Inspired ( see what I did there ? bam!) this research is motor/neuron disorders. How revolutionary to the world of medicine would it be if head transplants are successful !!!
My brain is still trying to wrap itself around the idea.

Ideas!!! that is such a  beautiful I word how did I miss it !
Ok so nothing is impossible really if you think about it, impossible is just a state of mind, because with the right tools and parts anything can be done, just yesterday I thought it was impossible for me to build up the courage to tell someone that I liked her. But I did it ! though now I remember why I didn't to begin with... which is because I am an oddball and have no idea about how to date or the rules that apply to dating nowadays ( is it even called dating?), or even flirt but that is a story for another day.

What do you believe is impossible?

H

“Selflessness is humility. ... humility and freedom go hand in hand. Only a humble person can be free.” 

― Jeff Wilson, Buddhism of the Heart: Reflections on Shin Buddhism and Inner Togetherness

"Don't let pride get to your head,always be humble"

" Humility is Divine"

Humility,Honor,Honesty ..... such easy words, so very hard to find.

We live in a world of manipulation and sugar coated everything,Honesty is never what it seems,hardly anything is ever what it seems actually, which isn't always a bad thing.

But here is what I have found,when you find yourself within a group of people,that show these qualities, you just might also find home!( if you are a lost soul like myself that is )

in any case ! this is too serious of a post ! and one of the best H words is actually Humour ! do you have a joke for me ?no i can't think of any jokes right now either, though another H word is Halal, and it occurred to me the other day that if anything out of the sea is halal ( that is not an invitation to try and eat a penguin or a submarine!) if you drown a cow instead of slaughtering it, would that technically make it halal?
note: I was not being racist there I am actually a semi muslim .


H is for hobbies ! my newest hobby is ice cream making, this has developed due to a memory that recently popped in to my head, of Nutella ice cream that I tasted in Djerba, however I have not tasted anything remotely similar to it since.

And so I have tried to make it myself  , the first attempt was ok ,  I mean it had nutella so no matter how bad it got it was still lovely! but the second attempt was GORGEOUS! and has made me want to make more ice cream and experiment with more flavors, only problem is I have lost about 40 kilos and have about another 10-15 to lose just about, it would be counter productive and unhealthy , I was offered a solution to this dilemma ..... I can make the ice cream as  long as I rehome it with someone else, perhaps if seducing women with my awkwardness doesn't work i will resort to ice cream?
cmon that was funny!

G

There are 2 things that I do not see often enough nowadays ,which bothers me a little.

Gratitude and Genuineness ( i did not even know that was a word!)

Being genuine is something that is part of me , it has been part of me from a very early age, because it goes hand in hand with being honest and true etc... to me anyway. So I have always been as genuine as possible, I'm not perfect but what you see is what you get ( after you peel a couple of the ogre protective layers of course).

 I get and completely understanding putting a brave face , or a defensive persona every now and then if your'e feeling helpless and trying to fake it till you make it or something. But I find it disturbing to create this whole other fake persona that serves no purpose other than to make you 2 faced really,this whole other you for the purpose of well i don't even know the purposes that go through people's head honestly,but i know that often it is not necessary and is theatrics( I am not dissing anyone with genuine reasons for doing anything btw).

I also dislike the fact that genuineness in actions seems to be on the low side lately,so much so that when you meet someone that genuinely cares for example, the motives are always questioned, and the fact that someone actually might be what they say or doing things for the reason they say is not one of the immediate things that pop to your mind.
Maybe it is a culture thing? here most places the customer service is nice and people are serving you with a smile on their face and what not, but the majority of it is not genuine and it is well known,because it is a society of politeness, though is it really that difficult for pleasantries to be real? it isn't difficult for me, is it for you?

Gratitude! I got carried away ranting and rambling and forgot to write about what I actually wanted to write about, though now it will make the post too long so I will keep it very very very short.

People are not very grateful nowadays and seem to forget all the good things that others do for them, though not what they do for others, so much of the little things are taken for granted nowadays and it is really really sad.

So I think everyone should have a look around right now as you are reading this , and list in your ead 3 things that you are grateful for :)

Have a lovely day !