So many things that start with C that I would like to write about , or eat if truth be told ! , Cake and Chocolate and even Cauliflower , but one shall resist such evil temptations . I will not speak of courage today or challenges or coincidence or even champions, though I think you will find that you are likely to relate to what I have to say today .
Over the last couple of days I have been skimming through previous posts of mine, I have been reflecting over the last few years of my life and thinking " What could I have done differently ? " the answer to that is nothing because despite the difficulties I currently face, all the challenges helped turn me in to the person I am today , and without them I would not have my beloved partner. I barely recognize the person that wrote blogs from a couple of years ago, today's C word as you may have guessed is Change.
Now despite the fact that this person today seems rather alien to the person who wrote previous blogs , we are still essentially one in the same , life broke me and put me back together , it took away many things and presented me with better things, it emotionally crippled me and is currently reviving and softening up the man of stone I somewhat turned in to . My life has completely changed , for the better I would think though it is not without its challenges, however certain changes take their toll on a person.
I used to be a more chilled person, I was much funnier and also much angrier, I cared a lot about everything, I was optimistic and hopeful and truly believed in the best. Now I feel like I am completely different , not as funny or as silly though perhaps I am simply growing ? who knows.... I do very little that I regret nowadays and am very comfortable making decisions, people that I once admired taught me that what I saw in them was purely in my head and that is a lesson I will not forget anytime soon ( as you do when someone breaks your faith ) I was a little sad that I am not the nice sweet fun person I used to be then I read an answer I wrote a year or 2 ago
"What kind of person attracts you.
In Theory I believe that I am attracted to smart women who are kind, witty, funny,strong of heart and strong of mind, women that stand their own ground and don't take shit from anyone , women that can tell the difference between a male and a man , old fashioned yet modern if that makes sense , someone that doesn't mind change or challenge , but most importantly someone that is just normal and down to earth that although hopefully honest and loyal has flaws that may talk too much and whine and be at times un realistic , that likes to potentially come up with crazy ideas or even new colours , a real woman a human being , that is the person i am attracted too. "
Now this may seem a bit insignificant to you , but to me I have learnt that the person who wrote that , didn't crumble away and die , no that person evolved , I found myself reading that and thinking hang on a second .... I was describing my current partner before I even met her , the old me has evolved in to someone that not only knows what they want but finds it , works for it and gets it, yes luck has much to do with this particular scenario , and I am beyond grateful to have her to share the rest of my days with, but truly I was astonished as to how accurate that was. Also I realized that though I went through hell, I was in both a physical and emotional war, I lost my family, I lost the person who I once aspired to be, I was shattered I was broken and to an extent I still am, I changed tremendously however my core , my beliefs they remain unaltered .
I guess though my point has not been clear it is that change happens, every single day we change and one day you will wake up and think good lord I barely recognize myself , but if you look deeper you will see that you are the same just better ( in most cases anyway , if you are not a better person go back and bloody start over ! we have enough idiots in the world) change is not a bad thing , it get's us through things and usually makes us stronger.
Change is scary as hell, it is terrifying I for one admit to that , I know despite the tremendous changes that happened in my life that this is not the last of it, though I look forward to certain changes coming my way because ive bloody worked hard to make these particular changes to my life ( and living location). Do not fear change it will happen regardless of if you want it to or not,face it with courage and perhaps if you give it a hand and learn from it, it won't be as terrifying and the ride will be smoother than you think ?
remember my friends, life can change you , it can change your face , it can change the way you live everything can be changed, but only you can change your heart :)