G

There are 2 things that I do not see often enough nowadays ,which bothers me a little.

Gratitude and Genuineness ( i did not even know that was a word!)

Being genuine is something that is part of me , it has been part of me from a very early age, because it goes hand in hand with being honest and true etc... to me anyway. So I have always been as genuine as possible, I'm not perfect but what you see is what you get ( after you peel a couple of the ogre protective layers of course).

 I get and completely understanding putting a brave face , or a defensive persona every now and then if your'e feeling helpless and trying to fake it till you make it or something. But I find it disturbing to create this whole other fake persona that serves no purpose other than to make you 2 faced really,this whole other you for the purpose of well i don't even know the purposes that go through people's head honestly,but i know that often it is not necessary and is theatrics( I am not dissing anyone with genuine reasons for doing anything btw).

I also dislike the fact that genuineness in actions seems to be on the low side lately,so much so that when you meet someone that genuinely cares for example, the motives are always questioned, and the fact that someone actually might be what they say or doing things for the reason they say is not one of the immediate things that pop to your mind.
Maybe it is a culture thing? here most places the customer service is nice and people are serving you with a smile on their face and what not, but the majority of it is not genuine and it is well known,because it is a society of politeness, though is it really that difficult for pleasantries to be real? it isn't difficult for me, is it for you?

Gratitude! I got carried away ranting and rambling and forgot to write about what I actually wanted to write about, though now it will make the post too long so I will keep it very very very short.

People are not very grateful nowadays and seem to forget all the good things that others do for them, though not what they do for others, so much of the little things are taken for granted nowadays and it is really really sad.

So I think everyone should have a look around right now as you are reading this , and list in your ead 3 things that you are grateful for :)

Have a lovely day !

F

"forgiveness budded; not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering its things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night"

F is for fear, though it is also for future.They are 2 completely different things however funnily enough one dictates the other, with a little bit of determination vice versa applies too.

The thing about fear is a lot of it is in our heads, yes some fears are legit and biologically ingrained in us, some things are more instinct than fear so i won't talk about that.But what many don't acknowledge is that fear is a fluid thing, in my mind anyway. Your fears will change and they will often, just like you as a person change on a daily basis , your priorities change, your cares change ( only to an extent) and so your fears will too as you grow.Fear will either break you or just pinch you and teach you a lesson, in many cases it will not leave you unscathed unless you conquer it .Conquering it is a bit tricky, because it is almost like a double bluff,your fear is really a fear of something else in most cases, but you don't always realize this, and so you end up attempting to conquer something else, and the main fear may just resurface under a different disguise. Up until recently my biggest fear was losing my now ex, which has happened, I am devastated and it has broken something deep inside me, but I am still breathing, the world has not stopped turning, I am mostly functioning as normal, i even made someone laugh! So it made me think that maybe that was not the actual fear , the fear might be that I will never be good enough for anyone, which is irrational because I am actually a catch , on paper anyway, though it goes deeper in to my past so makes some sense and it is something I simply need to get over.

it may also be my fear or failure,though I calculate failure differently I still strongly dislike it. regardless I am working on both as we speak.or as I speak and you read :)

Anyway the point is ! if you let your fears hold you back it actually plays a part in dictating your future, it closes doors and paths that you will not even know existed if you are blinded by fear.

You are not your fears, you are stronger than you think and they will not crumple you, in fact you can squish them and you will get out of it alive :)

Be brave ,open new doors, enjoy the future.

E

E is for elephants!

this is still one of my favourite things of all time!

ok so E is for elephants , but it is also for exercise,mental exercise is fantastic, but after all the gorging i am sure most people did yesterday,with both food and chocolate!

I feel it is good to remind you that exercise is very good for your health.

it does not have to be vigorous,getting slightly out of breath is good.It can be as simple as going up and down the stairs a few times per day, walking to the nearest shop rather than taking the car.

I say that because I am trying to lose more weight and keep the weight that i have lost off. Also I have restarted playing squash and i'm not as bad as I used to be, I actually hit the ball every now and then now !

Also, the weather is starting to get nicer now! get out and enjoy the sun! get some Vitamin D,enjoy the fresh air, have ICE CREAM or frozen yogurt.

I think I am trying to tell you to Enjoy yourself :)

I feel an exciting change in the air, hopefully it will be amazing.

D

I know this is a day late but that is ok , D is a bit of a difficult letter because the first word that comes to mind naturally is Danni, though Danni has my heart shattered to pieces at the current time so I thought it would not be very positive to write about her, also it would be very stupid to write how you feel about someone who to cut a long story short,has proved to me that i am simply so easily dispensable , so many d words!

And so instead! this blog is a day late to avoid me being sad and mopey and pathetic.

D is for delight ! yes I found something positive, of course today is Easter sunday , and my lovely friend Brittany arranged an Easter lunch and an Easter egg hunt ! MY VERY FIRST!!
the sun was shining, work was nice, I made red velvet brownies and a Diabetes in a plate cake ! ( caramel , nutella, maple syrup,cake! )oh and chocolate chips of course.

AND! my lovely Lara gave me a whole basket of chocolate eggs! all for me! yes I shared them.
AND THEN! my lovely friend Ioana gave me a BROWNIE EASTER EGG! Whaaaaat..... I didn't even know they existed, so I have a chocolate tower right now! it is soooo Dangersouly Delightful.oh AND THEN! Eric made us nutella brownies.

so D is for delight, it has been a depressing couple of months,I dont do well with heart break especially with the way and how much I loved Danni it has broken something deep inside me, so a day like today was much needed, just a lovely delightful day with friends and family, enjoying nice food and easter eggs and hunts( even though I got in to the nettles unfortunately)

I am grateful for everyone I have in my life, and I am determined to get out of this emotional rut.Yes determination was also a candidate for this post. I might take a picture of my chocolate tower that is sitting in the kitchen right now , it sooooo beautiful i almost dont want to eat it.... we know that won't happen of course.

CHOCOLATE!!!

Sorry I couldn't resist! with it being good friday and so close to easter! and well I may have bought some easter eggs yesterday.

C is for Chocolate!

Chocolate is almost an addiction to me, I will admit to loving it , so so so much!
Chocolate is good, maybe not healthy particularly but it is the pizza of the desert world! to me any way , chocolate is good for comforting,its good for a tiny kick of caffeine /sugar to keep you going, it is good for premature diabetes and heart attacks but lets not be negative!
Within reason it is even healthy , granted that is more to do with the darker chocolates but some people like that.

I just had a brilliant Idea ! I think I am going to empty the contents of a Nutella jar in to an easter egg !

GENIUS!

Have a happy easter everyone , and join me in a chocolate coma

p.s:
I am going on my first ever Easter egg hunt this year, it will be AWESOMENESS

Balance & Bravery

Such a small word , that can literally make the world of difference.
Balance is something I usually struggle with, it is something that is necessary in almost every aspect in your life, biologically speaking it is homeostasis, so when everything is balanced and within it's appropriate range, you are good to go .

But it is something that goes far beyond the chemicals in your body that do it all on autopilot.To me part of the struggle is that sometimes the line is blurred, at what stage does black turn in to white or white in to black, or if balance is the grey area, is one part of the grey area better than the other?

How do you balance out all the negatives with the positives in your life? fake it till you make it doesn't really work for me.... how do you know what weighs more ( without the use of a mental scale!) , tricky thing but so rewarding when you get it right, is it not what we all try to do every day at the end of day just to be happy? the attempt of balancing responsibility,family,friends,work,well being ,fun , to give ourselves the reward of happiness.

oh oh oh another B word! Brave!!

No I'm not referring to the Disney movie, though it was pretty awesome.
What is bravery to you ?

I don't know how many times I've been told that I am so so so brave in the last few years,especially after people hearing my story and what not. But truthfully I never understood it, I don't think I'm especially braver than anyone else,lets face it I am too shy to go up to someone and tell them they are looking pretty today. maybe people confuse my resilience and stubbornness with bravery.

For me to be brave is to stand up when everybody else refuses too, in this lifetime it also means standing up for what's right regardless, making a stupid choice or a choice that has many bad consequences under the impression of standing up for something is not brave it is more stupid in my eyes, being selfless s brave especially when its easier to be selfish.but the biggest bravery of all in my opinion is the ability to stand up to yourself and accept yourself for everything that you are,so based on that I am not brave at all just yet but working on it.
So many people start fights and wars,under the mask of protection and safety and bravery, that is not bravery in most cases it is actually just bullying or simply murder.Many also confuse bravery for sacrifice,they are NOT the same and never will be.

It doesn't take too much to be brave,and it is probably something that is instinctual,but its something you will see in the little things, the little things that count.

What is bravery to you?

A is for Age

I fell asleep last night thinking of what A word I would like to write about today, something positive or funky or just random, but something that I can relate to .Many words popped in to my mind like Avengers,April,Art,Anchor,Asteroids,Artificial intelligence,Allegiance ( The  book I just finished reading) and Acceptance.

Acceptance of course hit home, then I realized that it was the word I used for the first A-Z challenge I participated in ! So I read through it, as it has been a few years since I last did, one word has popped in to my mind since I finished that , Age. God I was wise back then, funny thing is though I feel like a child half the time nowadays and a grumpy old git the other half of the time.


Age is such a funny thing, in my mind anyway, a number assigned with the passing of each year, a number that signifies how long you have lived but also what stage of life you should be in , the way you should behave, what you should be doing at that point of time,how you should talk and think.

Maybe its not age that is funny, more our perception of it, how we feel about it, it is so interesting to see how people differ when it comes to this topic, especially when you add the social and cultural aspects to it.

The way our experiences in life somewhat shape us to age differently, is so so fascinating, I feel that now I have more innocence and naivety than when I was 14 ! or maybe I have learnt to accept certain things and not focus on the negatives? that doesn't sound very like me but who knows....

The way we associate certain ages with certain behaviors and looks, I for one cant tell peoples ages from their looks, it is child,young ,somewhere in between, or old .Let's not forget the impact it has when the realization of certain ages suddenly creeps up on you and for some reason cause you to reevaluate your entire life.

To me age is just a number, to a certain extent of course. I aim to try and live my life without focusing on the boundaries of age limitations, especially since my brain does not seem to be following the normal aging process that is the norm.In saying that though, I must admit that I am fond of older people,the lessons they can provide, the experiences they have had, just the fact that some have practically lived in a different lifetime to the one we live in now, it is so amazing.

Is age a big deal to you?


Note: did you know that apparently Abrakadabra is considered a positive word? I didn't either ! there you go, you have learnt something new for the day.

A is also for anything and anyone!

Have a lovely day folks :)