As I am distancing myself from things i love chocolate being one of the things i find my self more care less and not inspired in the slightest, what inspires you ?

You know something I am still finding that elephant adorably amazing! although it reminded me that I have never been on a trampoline see to truly enjoy a trampoline you have to seize the moment be care free truly enjoy it inside you which includes for those few seconds losing control or forgetting it temporarily just in case the word losing triggers some bad emotional reaction also known as traumatic memory or something

My problem is that I have an analytic brain as we all know by now in combat in a lab in anything work related that is not necessarily bad in most cases actually it is a good thing, however when that is applied to life outside of work it is not a good thing perhaps i am too much in control granted that means i am very guarded ( to an extent) even though  instead the impression that i am uptight or a goody two shoes ( i am very far from it but there is old fashion-ism carved in me ) is given , i am realizing how this effects me trying to enjoy the moment I can't enjoy the moment because I am planning for another moment which most likely means when that moment comes I will be bombarded with what if's and many other questions and so i will be planning for another moment soooooo as my walls ( yes this applies to your walls too ) keep the bad stuff mostly out they also keep the good stuff out .

After all wither it is a box of your belongings sent back to you from someone you loved dearly which pretty much is considered an emotional bomb or if its a crate of boxes of girl scout cookies left at your door , the door needs to be opened , sadly in life there are no peeping holes to view what is waiting if you do or don't do something and yes surprises are not always good , but i think its time to stop planning for a little bit and try to enjoy this moment and the next although i know for a fact they are not pleasant and will continue to be unpleasant  it does not mean i can not create a tiny bit of awesomeness out of it don't you think?

for example today my friend was asking me to choose between 2 names with her followed by nothing short of jumping out of the screen and threatening me if i do not show up for the birth of my niece bubbles ( Tianna) in October , honestly its like female members of the family can smell other plans months away! considering we do not see each other often although we only live a couple of hours away from each other its good to know that although you are absent people still consider you family , i know i know for a family man im not doing that good of a job ! but hey we are all mature students trying to get our degree in different cities .

Life is full of surprises embrace the joy each little surprise brings

ok I could not help but share this it is pure concentrated Awesomeness !

I just can't stop looking at it !

not an interesting blog

Sullivan and Gilbert are staying and are not going to cause any trouble yay! no brainish surgery :D and Fred is lazy so it is not an urgent case and can be done at home .... and of course all this is not settling nicely with the therapist because it screws up what she thought was a break through in her research , better yet when i see her i get to bask in the glory of "I TOLD YOU SO"ness c'mon don't deny it we all love that kind of glory ! and if you don't well you are surely missing out.

Well that is my good news for today i am fine i will be living with 2 of the 3 and we have agreed not to harm each other so far, i seem to be losing weight which i am happy with ! these drugs make me want to sleep allll the time thankfully work is preventing me from doing that and work seems to be picking up ( YAY!)

I am attempting to balance out my life and of course misreading signs from the universe ( i believe it sends us signs i may be crazy but its ok ) i am not mentioning the signs i got because it is most likely nothing more than wishful thinking but i will consider them as a reminder to stick to the goal because perhaps fate is involved? who knows , looking forward to MIB 3 on Wednesday at least I think it is on Wednesday because if it isn't there are no guarantee's i will not go in to watch the avengers for a third time .

So today I will start hunting down shoes and start gift shopping , figured there is no reason why i should not take my leisure with gift shopping my dilemma is I am  not entirely sure who should get a gift and who shouldn't of course it is also my baby boy's birthday next week and I am clueless what to get him, what do you get a child that has everything? perhaps a tree to climb or a ticket to disneyland france?

Me being a whiny sooky sod

So 10 days ago I had my Facebook password changed to something I do not know because .......Soooooo I decided to temporarily stay away from Facebook since I have to figure out how Sullivan and Gilbert are going to be dealt with I have to continue arguing with my therapist ( that has now taking to hugging me every session which i find odd) about yes i do not know anything but in this case i am right you are wrong accept it get over it and move on .... she is trying to convince me to have surgery next week to have Fred removed , Fred is the latest and biggest finding .... my therapist literally told me to relax just relax because stress is not good for tumors and i just gave her a " is that so ? what the fuck do you think brought these on then! " considering she knows my family situation and that they pretty much are like a nuclear explosion of stress no matter how well they at times mean.

So of course I am being a stubborn arse and saying no, I will not have surgery at this godforsaken country and if i am given a headache about the whole thing i will refuse surgery all together it is not a life or death situation i do not like the fuss and drama involved with the whole procedure and I am a big boy I can handle a tumor or 3.

I understand that this is considered irresponsible if one of my friends was in the position i would show up and nag them to death , but I comprehend all the risks and factors ( despite my family thinking that i just think i am smarter than everybody ) and to be honest right now i am in no hurry when i get home ill get it sorted if it is not sorted by September/October it can wait till after because I am beyond excited about my trip and it takes priority .

also it is not fun finding out you have a Fred whilst you are trying to lose 40 lb in 6 weeks because it means no comfort food no chocolate no pizza no ice cream no hearing her voice damn my pride!no lollipops just dealing with it like a man ( which i am doing rather well I feel absolutely fine my lack of worry is concerning ) but it is a good excuse to whine about lack of pizza and such don't you think? cmon you would do the same!

and the sympathetic treatment im getting from the therapist and family members is starting to piss me off also , any ideas on how to turn that off without being completely rude?

Thanks for reading, I hope you are all ok 

Do you know something I truly dislike ? besides flies  and not enough cake of course ... I dislike being manipulated and guilt tripped I have enough of a complex feeling that I do not do enough and for some reason there is the belief that there is a reasonable amount of guilt that the world is not as it should be or well things that happen with my people my friends my family things that I wish i could help with I have enough anger about not being able to change these things ( which are as simple as somebody going to bed hungry because they were too tired to go grocery shopping or someone not being able to see their kids because their ex he/she is an arse) so attempts to manipulate me using God religion and good will is very very very not nice especially since i have pretty much done everything for everyone my entire life. and luring me with positions money and fancy cars of course with fancy residence too is not a good idea anybody that knows me well enough knows i mostly use all those for others more than for myself so I am a bit confused i suppose.

On to something else! I made cookies real live cookies like those ones on tv or cook books! yes they were not chewy yes i burnt one of the batches however!! they all tasted cookie like! they not only looked like cookies but they TASTED!!!amazing and amazingly like cookies! i am so proud of myself you can start making requests that is how proud , granted they will not get to you because of course one has to taste a cookie from each batch to make sure it tastes good and well then one thing will lead to the other and they will move to my intestines but no bother it is the thought that matters!

I am back in Egypt and not particularly liking it did i mention I went to see my friend who was in Minnesota again ?she is such a sweet girl and her entire family came to say hello to me in fact her father called me a "loyal friend " maybe ill have fun during July - August who knows , I got an update picture of Jack and Sophie who are now named lola and something else they are getting big and look clean and well here look for yourself!

I would say getting big but right now it looks like they are getting tall instead

I am feeling weird for the last 2 weeks it is as if i am slowly detaching from everyone and closing in on myself if that makes self I truly have no desire to talk to anyone and the one person I wish to talk to well my pride got involved about a week ago and you know the rest of the story she has enough on her plate and probably would not talk to me anyway so its ok , my pharmacist friend notified me that all the medication i am on ( that is a bit dramatic they are only 3 ) are all addictive yay me im being made addicted to anti psychotic drugs that do not even work on me that only give the side effects! I am going to examine Sullivan and Gilbert later on tonight try to get to know them they are the lesions ( did i say that right?) in my pituitary assuming I can tell what is what .

I found an old pair of jeans that is a bit big for me and decided to cut it in to shorts, needless to say that is currently my favorite item of clothing .

Today Today Today...

Today has been a loooong day tomorrow will also be a looooong day due to the delays that happened today which will occur tomorrow  of course, and of course this does not make me happy because 3 days of screwed plans gives me a frownie face.

Out of frustration I made cookies that actually looked like real cookies I impresse dmyself infact I impressed myself so much I burnt a batch of them ( which were still eaten ).

Today is Mother's day again and all I can think of due to a technical difficulty I am facing that is also causing me a 48 hour delay that I strongly dislike , so all i can think of is mother's get 2 days there are 2 mother's days

I have a lot more to say on the Subject of mother's day and mothers but I will wait till Tuesday or so to do that so Thank you for your patience and have a Happy mother's day even if you are a father or an uncle or a step parent or godparent!

To begin with I was going to say I am tired only to find that it is an understatement .

I am beyond tired and loving it! 

And I should be departing for  the airport in 5.5 hours I hate this be at the airport 2 hours ahead of time malarkey , I like coming 45 minutes before the flight is because everyone else was there 2 hours ahead of time and finding the check in line empty then browsing quickly through duty free only to get a chicken sandwich from boots ( that is a lil ritual when leaving from the uk ) looking at the books then be in time for the last or pre last call to the flight! it so rocks.

anyway I should go drive then get a shower have fun and be safe people!

You know the best time to drive is on a weekend morning when everybody is in bed , ah the glory! however I have noted a problem besides that that car I was driving was an automatic that is ....I was thinking  and of course throughout the morning I was lost in  thoughts on and off , i noticed the speed limit was 60 and then that i was doing 120 at the time which did not strike me as a good sign but it felt so so so goooood and then someone was teasing me with his speeds so it went up to 130 then 140 and up to 160 when he passed me because his car was newer and a manual i forgot the road was about to turn and so as i saw it my foot immediately hit the break but i had to turn i was still in the 100 something and that is when i lost control of the car, thankfully nobody was in proximity and i soon gained control of the car no harm done .

In saying that although I owned up to my reckless driving up there , there were a lot of idiots driving around for the rest of the day driving on the wrong side of the road just because, pushing out of line or is it lane? lane line? meh you know what I mean but in total I avoided at least 5 or 6 collisions with other vehicles today and really had to try not to lash out on any of the idiotic drivers , it somewhat scared the passenger with me but she also found it hilarious she notified me that she usually bitches and curses when riding with somebody else but she found it was not necessary today as i took care of it, yes i car blocked many cars today that were obnoxious and tried to take my way how rude!!! I showed them though and drove right in the middle .

Do you know how annoying the sound a car makes when you get sand inside the wheels? BLOODY ANNOYING!! the whistling and whining of those wheels were too much for my ears to handle and so I did what any sensible human being would do ... blast the stereo up close the windows and sing any non sappy song whilst cussing at any sappy song that does turn up especially anything by Adele ( btw I love Adele I am just trying to control certain emotions that Adele does not help with)



Drive safely kids .

09.05.2012

So this has been an interesting day to say the least, first of all I would like to say that I wish a very happy birthday to my dear friend Lilian Milly Watersomething you have now embarked on the big 4 o and you are going to love every second of it ( that is plotting the sweet taste of punching me for all of the above)

Today I was abused or rather I had my arse kicked and whooped and everything like that by a 7 year old , a girl none the less! now I will admit that it has been a while since I have been around any young girls the majority of kids be them cousins kids or friends kids and so on are pretty much all boys my favorite child ( my mini me) is a 7 well 8 in a few days and he is a boy we wrestle we play rough he quite often pretends to beat me and he can be an annoying little prick quite often how ever the violence in this lil girl was unexpected ( no i am not whining per say but it did bloody hurt!) i was bitten and hit and pinched rather hard of course my hair was pulled too which was not particularly pleasant and jumped on im glad the bite marks did not last more than a few hours on  (all over) my arms, but i figured her parents are recently divorced her father travels a lot i would let her take her frustration out on me after all better me than a kid at school or a stranger, her 11 year old sister was very glad to see me too thankfully she showed it in a more pleasant way which involved cuddling and playing and of course asking a gazillion questions about everything i told her she can come visit the UK with me anytime she wants.

I also watched my baby boy doing his home work on Skype it was pretty cool I loved it and the faces he pulls I really miss him hopefully I will get to see him by September, I told him I'll be getting my own place and he automatically said Im moving with you!!! mind you there might have been talk of me getting a dog prior to that would that be considered bribing? hah! its his birthday soon I have no idea what to get him, what do you get a kid that has everything they need?I am very glad he has no interest in cell phones I don't think kids should have phones he did mention a hot wheels remote control car however I have witnessed the fate of any car that comes within his grasp , if a car is condemned guilty of any felony the punishment would be spending 2 hours with him.... in my professional opinion he tries to make them fly , cry , or tests what they are truly made of come to think of it I am rather glad I am not a small anything with wheels within proximity , so birthday presents for 8 year old lil boys anyone ? I am sure his mother would love it if i sent him a painting kit with instructions to paint on the walls ...... sorry my evil side slipped !



Oh! and 3 people died not far from where I was maybe 4 , the reason is still unknown to me the rumors are too many but for once I behaved myself and I did not get involved, my mind seems adamant on preserving my body till I get to travel , So thank you mind for looking out for me.

Sooooo less bullets than anticipated thus I am not dodging bullets like I was last time, although with the current state of affairs it would not be surprising that things change by the time I return, elections are on the way and chaos is sure to spread .

Yesterday I believe was a full moon and of course I was mesmerized the entire car ride with my eyes following the moon although it looked kind of dull last night I was still transfixed none the less, i drove a lil today now here is the thing I absolutely love driving but since my accident at the end of August a couple of years back I drive but not the same there is a slight fear i still love it but only do it when i have to because i do not like anybody else driving i am more conscious of accidents yet i drive much faster than i used to so when i can i try to avoid driving all together especially if i have to drive anyone somewhere , but today i drove a bit and was fine it was nice i did not go to any main roads.

When love is in excess it brings a man no honor nor worthiness. Euripides

Also today was magnificent because I saw a friend I have not seen for over 11 years a friend I really really liked (maybe a slight crush was there) that suddenly disappeared in to thin air and nobody heard from her up until a couple of months ago , tonight I got to see her she just jumped on me and gave me possibly the best warmest hug of my life I have genuinely never felt so missed and cared for she paused to kiss my cheek and then resumed a tight heart felt hug, this coming from me the person that does not do hugs at all ok i do hugs but very rarely as my therapist pointed out i do not know how to hug apparently.

So all in all if I can try to be a bit more patient and do that mind over matter thing I may be able to make it till September. yay me!

A Z Reflection

Well lets see I really enjoyed it and truly hope there are more challenges like that prior to next April, it is a fantastic way to read new material, meet people and have a good laugh with people that have a similar (slightly twisted in my case) sense of humor, I also enjoyed the writing the deadlines the finding a topic that suits my writing style and well creating a writing style that is totally gibberish and random? that is a style i insist!

so I loved every minute of it and appreciate the opportunity of participating thank you A-Z blog challenge people who created this!

May so far

So far in the last few very hectic days its been well hectic , I literally feel like the challenge was finished a week ago or something, so in the last few days a bird decided it was appropriate to take a shit in public on the taxi that i was in whilst my window was open needless to say the rest .. all  i can think of is How Rude!!! at least use toilet paper or an equivalent next time! or offer me some since I needed to wiper yer shyte.

I almost went all hulky on a nurse by all hulky i mean the avengers version of the hulk he is by far the best in this movie yes i saw the avengers today but we will get to that later! I have a problem when it comes to trying to find a vein even if they are quite obvious in areas since the last hole from the last blood test i did was still present "." marked the spot I pointed that little piece of information out and advised her to  just give that location a try but does she listen? of course not or i would not have a story to tell, she decided to pole in 4 other locations in all 4 the vein was pretty much visible on the back of my hands and she did not succeed in finding any blood despite the multiple stabbing i mean slapping of my hand with a vengeance as if my hand took her out on a date and forgot to call her or something, to top that after each failed slap and stab she pressed so hard on the location of entry presumably to  prevent leakage i think however she thought that my blood was actually a rabid dog trying to bite and she was fending him of with her hand or maybe my blood was a prisoner trying to escape , part of my hand actually got swollen in objection the bad treatment! now yes I am not going to complain about the pain because I'm a man and what not however I could not work on my project for 2 days enough said ....

So yes I wanted to strangle her after all that as i was following orders to get my head in to that lil cage they put it in before you go in to the M.R.I machine she plugs stuff in my ears as if evil was bloody spewing out of them! what ever happened to nice being a job requirement and smiling! I think she might have been somebody in disguise not a nurse worth hiring a ninja to look in to it, if that was not enough when she did find blood eventually ( where i told her to stick it to begin with!) and my hand was covered with blood because she did not shut the canula thingy properly she had to use ancient sticking devices known as not so medical nowadays sticky tape and it was taped to take a guess? yes what little hair i did previously have on my hand which is now gone when she friggin pulled it off, i literally only have 2 lonely hairs on my right hand now what do you suggest i name them? you know so they feel loved.


so I had an M.R.I which is noisy as hell but I heard orchestra music in the background which actually was not playing, thankfully it seems to be reported that some people have heard music so i am not loopy, but these new medications for god knows what that i am on make me feel loopy and a bit snappy too thankfully thus far i have still maintained to control my temper... yay!

took the M.R.I results to a specialist  who thought the report that was with them was utter rubbish they missed out at least 3 things he mentioned sooo it was worst than initially suspected however I still think it is nothing and I am fine despite my dr's looking at me as if im going to die and giving me the " ill be with you all the way don't you worry" line .... when i say i am fine why are you giving me that line? you would think after 5 months of analyzing my personality they would have known a bit better than to say that instead of telling me to stay away from stress for the next 10 days and that i am way toooooo nice and that i have above average intelligence.... tell me something i dont know !


so since i got that bit of news today ( which i did not include here as you have noticed but it is safe to say that there are no aliens building a compound in my brain, and a brain does exist much to the disappointment of many )i decided to check what is on at the cinema only to find the avengers was on!!! naturally i automatically bought a ticket finished my shopping, thankfully i packed my bag for traveling earlier, by packed i mean folded what clothes i wanted like a 5 year old and chucked it in the suitcase.

I have decided to step back from a couple of things and let fate play its role because i do not want to snap at anyone and i truthfully if i want to get my project finished anytime soon or at least phase one of it i do need to clear my mind  a lil .


ok that is it for today ! Tomorrow I will be travelling to Libya which means socializing and an interview and meetings and work and more heat so I shall try to blog if not i will see you all in a week or 2! have fun be safe and all that jazzzzz