Cookies

cookies cookies cookies , are in my opinion a piece of heaven that has fallen to earth, or maybe even what an angel would taste like if they were edible ok ok you get the point, however the point of this blog is not the cookies per say it is more to define what a cookie is.

in America a cookie is a species of sweet food that easily rots the teeth of course, it comes in many shapes and sizes from round to square to crunchy to gooey with chocolate with jam with peanut butter with nothing , a very large variety of cookies and at the moment it happens to be girl scout cookie season which is initially would brought this on, you see there is a girl i really like ( more than i will currently admit) and she mentioned a certain types of cookies so i asked around before i did what any decent guy that truly cares would do and got them, this brought me to the realization that cookies to them and cookies to me are not the same thing.

to me if it is round soft or crunchy sometimes big sometimes small contains chocolate chips possibly some nuts then it is a cookie anything other than that is known as a biscuit however in the land of the free aka USA what is not a chocolate chip cookie is a cookie and a biscuit is apparently bread..... now maybe i am having a blonde moment but the question is why?! or what the deuce! your choice


regardless of what they are called i must admit that i am addicted to cookies and i have not had a real one in almost a year now ..... such is life

Fedora

After days and days of looking and plotting on the best way to capture a Fedora, I have finally captured the right sized fedora ! I walked in to the store eyes wide open to any sign of hats thinking they may have changed their natural reserve or worse yet set them free, walking slowly towards the place i last saw a herd of fedora's sitting down hands pretending to sweat in anticipation breath held in excitement as my legs took longer strides towards the destination and it wasn't there! all emotions drained from my face when then i spotted 2 herds of fedora's neatly sitting side by side with an unexpected one single fedora which shall now be known as Freddie sitting between them kind of leaning against one of the herds that were sitting on top of each other, there Freddie was slacking enjoying whatever fedora's do when they hang out on the shelf( probably gossiping or trying to flirt with the girls accessories in front of that shelf)unsuspectingly having a good time when I excitedly but very carefully I sneaked up to the shelf  reached out my hand and grabbed Freddie to find he was the last of his kind ...or so i thought.

I walked around to find the rest of his family but I saw another herd chilling on the other side so i walked closer  only found they were  larger not so cool fedora's , although that did not stop me from  grabbing one and trying  it on, i found it completely blocked my eye sight and would have made a good mask if i were pretending to be blind or i had super laser vision like X men scott or just wanted people to think my face started at my nose, holding both Freddie and mask hat I had to make a choice this one was too large Freddie was almost the right size considering my hair is longer now and so it was a debate between confusing people making kids laugh by being the half faced man..... tough tough decision but it had to be made , Freddie was unique and Freddy was the first to capture my attention and make me smile and so I adopted Freddie and he now resides with me living happily or so i presume he is kind of quiet but looks content with his new buddies don't you think?

So its Friday! meaning Thursday came and went on its own sweet way , I was woken up today by the repeated sound of the door bell ringing after ignoring it too many times i huffed and puffed and marched to the door to release my rage at whomever was foolish enough to , I open'd the door and this sweet short lady was at the door and started talking to me turns out she was the maid! i forgot what my maid looks like! how horrible of me, ok its not that i forgot what she looks like my memory was jogged ten seconds through the conversation i just forgot it was Friday and she was due today.

so for the last 24 hours my house has been female free ( apart from the maid ) and it has been AWESOME! no nagging no complaining no indecisiveness no interrogative phrases , now don't get me wrong i am not a woman hater or anything of the sort as anybody that knows me would know i love women ( certain women not all i'm no player) but you see my aunt has been living me since December, and for a month of that time my other aunt and grandmother had joined us which was fine other than the fact that there was an almost suffocating amount of estrogen to begin with which i then got used to, but after my grandmother and aunt left the focus was returned to me and that was well lets say BAD.

I am a patient person usually but I can only bite my tongue for a certain period of time and testing my patience is not really the best approach to prolong the time i am behaving and not speaking my mind, and me not speaking my mind puts me in a foul mood , and! my foul mood attracts more criticism from my aunt so it is a vicious cycle that i can only tolerate for so long!

my brain is still grasping the reality that there is nobody saying oh god those shoes are horrible i'm not walking in with you when you buy them, or anybody to ask stupid questions like are you going to miss me? do you love anyone but yourself? well the answer is no and yes plenty of people sadly you did not make the list, this is the precise reason why i keep disowning my family 1 person at a time you would think after each and every speech i have had to endure about how great she is and how smart she is that it would be easy to figure out.....

there is nobody to tell me that I am cold hearted unforgiving and self absorbed or to tell me how everything I do is wrong, I wonder how my brain will take this liberty so far it is loving every minute of it, hopefully now i can focus more on sorting myself out faster working more and getting my arse over to the states .

i heard 2 phrases within the last 24 hours that caught my attention the first was that we do not say " I love you " often enough which i agree with i should say it more often to the people that i care about but just to be safe i think i will only say it to the people I have said it to before so as to not scare anybody of you know.

The second phrase was Transformation does not happen in the future it starts in the present, I could not agree more why wait to change things when you can start changing them right away there are no guarantees you will even see the future so why not start now?
it was at least a decent motivation for me to continue working out lol.

any day that starts at 5 am when the day before ended at 2 am is bound to be a long day, in saying that I will have to admit I loved how the day started despite the off timing it is always nice to be pleasantly surprised and to start your day by talking to an astonishing woman , i then took my first french lesson which i still remember well most of it anyway I'm already starting to sound posher when i talk!

I then picked up the kid from the airport and the best he could say was heyyyy you look like snape, well thank you very much i can pull that off and still be awesome unlike you!

having my aunt around got even more stressful, as since her cousin and mother left she has reverted her focus to me once more and her mission in life consisted of telling me that i am wrong how wrong i am how i am opposite to the rest of the human species and how she is the best person in the world and of course letting me know how emotionally retarded i am in her eyes..... well maybe if you weren't such a waste of oxygen i wouldn't be!

i found myself looking forward to thursday more than i knew i would, as of thursday the house will be female free for a month at least and just the thought of that was Goooooooooooooooood.

people

people are interesting in a mind boggling kind of way, each individual is different yet many are so alike it is sad, maybe there is something wrong with me or i hang around the wrong kind of people or maybe it actually is the system here at least, its like every person you meet is trying to get a piece of you either by over charging , trying to con or the very least of it not being clear and concise and then saying no i said this not that, can you really enjoy any money you make by doing that? i know for a fact unless i work hard i do not enjoy what i make , easy come easy go at the end of the day.

i find that applies not just to money or material things it can apply to humans too, if they easily get attached to you and don't take the time to get to know you then it will just as easily happen with someone else and you will be last week's news paper.

peculiar things people are, many tend to focus on just one thing in their lives and unless that thing is going ok their life tends to collapse or so they think when the reality of it is that it is all in their heads, the most common example that can be witnessed is people thinking their life is falling apart when they lose a partner i am not referring to losing the person in a toy store or to his/her creator I am speaking of breakups regardless of the duration of the relationship if it was 1 month or 5 years ( although the longer it lasts the impact can be more difficult there is no denying that), some people think that it is having a relationship in their lives is what made them happy what pulled the pieces together so on and so forth.... truth is it isn't if you are not happy without a relationship/partner in your life, having them is nothing short of having a new toy that fascinates you to begin with then it blends in with the rest of your life and you are back to being unhappy.
what i am trying to say is that it is unhealthy to focus on one part of your life and let it dominate it just makes you miserable  be it your private life or your career or a hobby or a pet or anything everything in modest amounts created a healthy whole or a more balanced one at least.

people need to look where their going and start saying thank you more. why don't people appreciate the little things anymore?

yes i know its a whiny blog but so what?

frustration

so many things to write about such a distracted mind i have.....

Captain, that seems to be my new nickname by my chauffeur and other random strangers that i meet for not more than 5 minutes at a time, see unless you are in a certain part of Cairo where they continuously call you sir every 30 seconds or if you are in a brand shop so to speak you usually get called bob or something like that, where they got the idea to call everybody Bob is beyond me considering they barely talk enough English and it is not one of the words that was used a lot during the time that Egypt was occupied by the British, the use of Captain is pretty much the same except Bob is used for commoners and Captain is used for someone who apparently looks more respectful or maybe intimidating? not sure but I am glad i am a Captain rather than a Bob, although I am sticking to the areas where they just call me sir or Mr. Parker it has a nicer ring to it, not that I can't lead people into well erm stuff! ( i'm tired of playing war ).

I am having trouble dieting kind of almost strictly following the dietitian's diet but not losing any weight in fact I've lost a kilo of muscle mass which i plan on regaining by the end of the week , i don't need to gain it back because my muscle mass is slightly above normal anyway but i prefer to have it like that maybe if i increase my muscle mass more it would help since more muscle helps burn fat faster, it is just frustrating since i strongly dislike the gyms here despite being a member of one they are just not nice, or it is me not adjusting to my environment that is slowing everything down, of course standing out in the crowd does not make my job any easier either.

so since i am not considered posh and my accent is soooo common i decided to join a french language course to brush up on my snobbery because that is the only thing missing in my life right now! i kid i kid learning the basics of a new language is probably going to be the only useful thing out of these 6 months, the debate between going home getting on with my life and completing the period i signed up for in this medical study is getting steamier, course i'm not  here just for this but I am very tempted to say screw it all what you are doing is not working perhaps because you are too arrogant to see that you are doing it wrong and just go home start over from scratch new everything.

I feel like i am getting less and less from the therapist each time i go sadly it is part of the research so i am obliged to go , and i called her a perv last time i saw her.i had good reasons and she laughed! in fact most of the session goes by with her laughing genuinely at what i say or staring me down which doesn't work, and of course the demanding of colorful pictures what is up with that? i don't like drawing with colors not because im bad at it which i am but because i dislike it, because i dislike it i am bad at it not vice versa is that too difficult to comprehend? apparently so.

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG ass day!

just like any other day that follows a long week and begins at 6 am with barely any sleep the night before, truth I am not entirely sure what is upsetting me most the fact that i barely slept due to my aunts chatting, what they were chatting about, the explanation of what they were chatting about today which is truly horrific, or coming home to find the flowers did not arrive on time despite my extra efforts ok i literally went a lil crazy trying to make that perfect and they screwed it up such is life...or maybe it was other things screwing up my valentines day plans of going to the shelter and hugging all those lovely doggies, maybe its the fact that i find myself unable to yell or shout when i am angry/fed up with something at least my tone of voice makes the other person guilty ( in a professional setting ).

so my great aunt died, her daughter died , my father told me she died peacefully in her sleep then i learn that there is a huge possibility that she died due to starvation because her caretakers ( Daughters) were just waiting for her to die and did not even bother giving her a sip of water... What in Gods name is happening to the world?!!!! even if you know someone has no more hope and is going to die you try, even if you dislike them since you are there you fight for their life you help them you try anything within your power anything humanly possible to help them hold on not doing that leaving someone like that is nothing short of murder in my eyes, sad does not even begin to explain it ,pathetic also seems like the wrong word , what would you do to people like that?

so not only were the flowers not delivered on time I now get an email from customer service saying we don't know when it will be delivered to to high orders on the day ... no shit Sherlock that's why it was supposed to be delivered yesterday what is the point in charging extra if you are unable to deliver? stupid just stupid.

once again i am losing my track of thoughts and will have to just write later if i think of anything

so I was driving ( i wasn't driving the driver was ) home almost midnight , best time to be out in Cairo if you ask me less traffic clear sky and hell of a lot less honking, you know its almost like that particular part of the car whatever it may be called honker maybe? was created for this nation i know i may be repeating myself but the amount of times an average driver honks in ten minutes is ridiculous, so  half the moon in the sky which looked beautiful and the stars barely a cloud in sight weather wasn't too warm in fact slight chill thus it was just right i used to love just staring at the sky at night very peaceful also i like to think of it as one of the master pieces of the universe staring elegantly down at you, i was looking out of the window ( no not like a dog with its head out of the car that occurs during day light!) and all i could think about was that i would gladly exchange every minute of sky watching/star gazing/enjoying beauty/whatever you feel like calling it , with just seeing the look on her face when she smiles because frankly the beauty is equal and not nocturnal thus double the magnificence ,
and of course I will not utter a word so not to make a further fool out of myself.

Give beyond reason, care beyond hope, love without limits...

Life is full of surprises some good some bad some neither, last night  i was surprised in a way that slightly restored my faith in humanity I have been granny sitting for 3 days yesterday when i took her out walking at a very slow pace with her cane on one side and her human cane (me) on the other side we got to the elevator almost 10 people were waiting they all refused to get in the elevator and insisted she go in the same thing when i was walking her home and a group of what looked like teenagers were ahead a fair couple of minutes ahead enough for them to go and the elevator to return for her, they would not get on till after she did.... quite admirable act as far as my experience with this country goes.

I am having a battle with myself by that i probably mean it is a fight between present me and future me, present me feels that life is too short ( which it is ) , how ever present me would counter again with life is too short and of course when a family member dies like my great aunt did last night may she rest in peace it serves as a reminder , to be honest i felt more sad for my grandmother than for my great aunts actual death because she was her last remaining sister and immediate relative from her generation alive so for as much as the news of the death and the responsibility of now sorting out travel arrangements and telling my gran the sad news did not move me as much as my heart went out to her since i told her, to the point where i bent down and clipped her toenails... i have a thing with feet... I Hate em! so with the events of the last 4 days and anticipating more i hereby declare myself a good good man, at least temporarily.

I do try to take in to consideration that life is too short in my day to day life, that helps with enjoying the moment and goes well with what my therapist has been trying to get me to do more which is to live in the here and now, had a conversation with my brother earlier he reminded me that one of her methods is to make me second guess/doubt myself so i shall be more aware of that in the future, at times like today though it makes me think how good is the session really if it consists mainly of arguing or me making her laugh ( not intentionally  ) surely I am not THAT! funny or am I hmmmmm, still find it amusing that she thinks my name is Arthur though despite my reminding her that it is Anthony Arthur seems to be sticking I must be fair rich and not as snobby as i should be like said king.

to make present me a bit happier and to make it easier for future me until tomorrow at least I have a date! for valentines oh yes I will be spreading the love to all those puppies and doggies and kitties possibly even horses at the Shelter, and I will avoid life's sarcastic surprise that was presented to me at the supermarket in the form of a 5 kilo jar of nutella !!..


remember Love without limits and do not be afraid to show it.... life is never as long as expected.

cold

Today was a rather interesting day on the realms of self discover, when it started or a few hours after it started I came to realize that I am a cold  person without the bare minimum of feeling required even for people you barely tolerate which would be sympathy or pity at the least , but as i stood there in front of the person who for one reason or another required both sympathy and pity i felt nothing it all looked like a dramatic propaganda which then resulted in a large waste of money, the reason that lead to that was apparently fear.

what i can not at all comprehend is how a person can go on and on and on and on about how strong and fearless they are then at the slightest not even blow but passing by of a hint of fear you succumb to it completely?
that is illogical to me without valid reason for fear it should not exist, and the only valid fear is your ( this includes immediate family loved ones and close friends ) literal destruction , I am talking about comic book laser beam that turns you in to a pile of dust destruction...unless it is then there is nothing really to fear not really anything you can face you can usually resolve..... so maybe i am cold and too logical who knows...

in saying that a dear friend surprised me today and a variety of emotions decided to show up within me, stubbornness and pride were of course among the crowd of feelings  but I also wanted to show this friend that the efforts are appreciated and i am very grateful to have this person in my life.

which brings me to think that may be i am not as cold as i thought... yes i confuse my self at times,i wonder how much i confuse my friends hmmm.

on another note Threading was not completely successful! oh yes perhaps my poor wee hairs were traumatically pulled out of my face but there are some survivors and in celebrations i will shave! although my face still feels as rough as a frozen badgers arse.

V day

For the last 2 or 3 weeks everywhere i go i see red  , red flowers, red ornaments, red toys, red gifts, even bloody boxers with lil red hearts, what on earth is the use of red hearts on boxers?
they do not make you feel warmer at night and they do not look particularly good.

Yes yes Valentines is in the air but of course it is also becoming a commercial holiday it is about buying and saying I love you .... money does not express emotion and the word is used so loosely nowadays,
why is it that barely anyone sits down and writes to the person they are emotionally involved with a letter expressing how much they care? in fact one could also take the time to sit and write it inside the rose petals so they will have more meaning i know i would if i could physically do it right now without them dying during transportation.

why is it that the majority try to focus on this one day as if if you spend enough on this day you are of the hook until the next occasion be it birthday or anniversary, do you see what is wrong with that? since when is there a time lock on when how and how much it costs to express a motion usually in a very impersonal manner too.


in saying all this it is a day that seems to have its own tradition and no one way to do it right however many ways to screw it up, like when do you ask someone how do you ask someone is it even appropriate do you need to ask someone ? or do you just express what you feel say what you want to say and hope for the best?
or do you go for the politically correct approach to spare any discomfort?

it can be confusing at times which is not good when your brain is going through a creativity block.... or lacks energy to continue writing the remainder of this post.....

I guess what I am trying to acknowledge is you do not need one particular day to say I love you, you do not have to say it just to one person ( no i am not motivating infidelity I am merely suggesting the other people you love such as friends family etc...) and you do not have to be so dull in the way you say it add some feelings in there tell someone how they make you feel instead of  just " I love you" or the nonsense of i can't live with out you / i need you .... that is utter shyte a human is not a parasite that needs another human as a host to latch on to and survive, wanting someone in your life because of various reasons and stirrings is all good but being dramatic about it is sad, if you can not live happy and content by yourself you will not be happy with someone else.

Rant

Mother of the world they call it, with magic that holds you captivated, being there is like walking through its magnificent history which is full of might and greatness.......... Bull shit I say, it may have been like that in the past butt he past is history, anything that can only bring magic partially and with conditions does not deserve the title of mother of the world.

I used to love Egypt the history the might the culture the science advancement that preceded their time, that is all rather amazing but now ... now it has all gone to waste , the people now ( of course i do not speak of all as i do not have the capability to meet 80 million people ) put it all to shame, you have to "give something" to get the service that you are supposed to get anyway... i don't care if it is a quarter bribing is an act it has to do with the motive rather than the quantity you spend and it is wrong, they talk a lot as a nation the people here talk a lot to anyone wither they are interested or not listening or not and of course i listen i don't mind the listening you learn from people after all, what i do not understand however is the complaints about the people in higher ranks of government stealing the people's money  and that whole shabang which is true and of course it is with the people's right to resent that anyone would it is looting at the end of the day , but when you yourself try to con people out of their money take advantage of their good faith in you and over charge just because of that faith well then you lose the right to resent or complain about your government looters because you are the same, even if the amounts are different the principal is take advantage of someone whilst they think you are acting to their interest.

also if you love your country do something about it! start with yourself , little things make a difference like stop spitting on the roads stop littering on the roads , stop urinating on the pavements/side walks !( it is a very uncivil appearance not to add filthy ) you have toilets for that , roads are for cars and almost anything on wheels pavements are for human's ( and pets when being walked) respect your police respect the law organize yourself and everything else will automatically start organizing itself, it is that simple yet so hard to comprehend? there is a time for waiting and a time for acting waiting comes second not first.


What on earth is happening to the world?
it is like people have stopped using money to live and rather living to make money .

The real pleasures in life barely cost anything , you just need to stop and take the time to notice acknowledge and enjoy, when was the last time you actually took the time with everything you did and focused on just that one activity paying absolute attention to that one thing be it eating, reading, watching, having a cup of tea, listening to someone, without any interference without disturbance , when was the last time?

Snow, Death, and helplessness

There is SNOW!!! in bloody Tripoli!! effin real snow! and snow at home and I am stuck here!

had to get that out of my system, so Tripoli are getting snow the previous government has infiltrated the new government and the people in Hums are being used as live stock for shooting practice, lovely way to start the day don't you think? I am itching to find a way to get in to Syria but that would be counterproductive since i have no weapon with me at the present moment and i know nothing about the country .

I joined the gym the day before yesterday didn't like it figured if i pay i will feel guilty and go work out anyway so first day i woke up early all motivated got there they wouldn't let me in stating they are not open yet and won't open for another 45 mins..... zoooot went my motivation and i went back home since it was too sunny to sit and wait of course to day there is no motivation to speak of.

also changed all my passwords but i keep forgetting that thankfully instead of being blocked out of my account for inserting the wrong password too many times, gmail kindly reminded me that i changed my password 40 hours ago thank you gmail for that.

today my thoughts are not in order and are all over the place my brain is covered with a pinch of cold, finding it very difficult to adjust to the egyptian lifestyle which is just delaying my work, and my therapist insists my name is Arthur despite me correcting her and stating it is Anthony and my friend seems to think Arthur suits me more ... Wth?!?!?!?!

throughout all this that is going on in my brain and more there is still one question i am trying to answer hopefully within a time limit which is  " how can you make a remarkable woman feel exceptional?" tough question to crack.. i dare you!

Threading

so throughout these 5 months I have rules I need to follow, I am participating in a case study to do with stress and the biological impact on the brain and what not so I am obliged to follow the rules some are simple some are tedious.

one of these rules is no hair cut or shaving unless using primitive methods that will allow your hair to grow back exactly how it is currently, so i agreed to no hair cut but after a while i missed knowing i have a face unlike cousin it where it is buried under all that hair, so the rules were extended that i can remove facial hair but i have to use that thing that women use with a string which may or may not be called threading i do not know , when i objected the response was " man up" of course my automatic reaction is CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

soooo after 30 minutes of pure undiluted torturing hell and not backing out i have come to the conclusion that no i do not salute any woman that does this no offence but it is pure Stupid! why would you go through that? my facial hair was literally plucked from my face about ten hairs at a time many hairs refused to leave the home land so the process was repeated until they were forced out , I've had infected stitches pulled out of my open chest and burns that hurt a whole hell of a lot less than this.

I did feel more manly and macho after this experience because i didn't stop within 5 seconds and say no im not doing this, this sensation lasted for 5 seconds till i touched how smooth my face was and felt like a 5 year old boy !

so why on earth do you women do it? a friend suggested it is to impress us idiots known as men well I OBJECT! if a guy does not like what god has given you he will chip in for cold laser hair removal surgery there is absolutely no necessity for you to go through that torment or waxing or anything for a fella and if you want the easy way shave! you most likely use make up anyway you can hide it.

my face literally hurt for about 8 hours after it, just the memory of it now is an ouchy, guess i will not follow this one rule and just shave or turn into a freedom fighter!

I'm back!

soooooooo I wrote a probably not so kick ass blog a few minutes ago but it must have been quite delicious because wordpress gobbled it up without leaving as much as a trace, thus i am having to start my first blog AGAIN, such a tedious thing rewriting original creativity don't you think.

deep breath and.... GO!

I am essentially trying to give this blogging thing another go , to document these next furthermore 5 months of hell then maybe see if i have learned anything.

The goal is to learn something new every day or every other day, lose a lot more weight, expand my vocabulary without cheating thus learning another language does not expand the current vocabulary it will just add another entire vocabulary adjacent to the current default list.

my intentions are simple, to talk about anything everything and nothing, to be ridiculous silly and of course Very whiny, yes yes i shall enforce some whining control.

also id like to know why on earth do i have a song on my phone called " hillbilly music" WTBH! where id that come from?

so I left Libya a month ago or so and I am in Egypt initially the plan was to go home or go to Syria however that isn't happening and I have landed myself in a not so nice situation till June then I can go home, during this unpleasant time! i will try to make the best of it get my green card papers sorted out if possible, lose more weight, and rediscover ones self self growth blah blah blah......

yes yes my last blog was more kick ass and it is now time to check on the diet chicken!